Jubilee Community Church
Wednesday Night

  • How a Wife Loves Her Husband: Actions, Influence, and the Spirit Behind Them

    Covenant & Covering Session 18 How a Wife Loves Her Husband: Actions, Influence, and the Spirit Behind Them
    Primary Scripture Reading
    Text: Ephesians 5:22–33
    Ephesians 5:22–33 AMP
    22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30 Because we are members (parts) of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. 33 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

    Introduction

    This session addresses a subject that is often oversimplified, misunderstood, or distorted by culture: how a wife loves her husband according to God’s design. Scripture does not present love as a feeling alone, but as an action rooted in covenant, alignment, and spiritual influence. What a wife does and how she responds carries both emotional weight and spiritual consequence within the marriage covenant.
    In Scripture, marriage is never merely a human arrangement. It is a covenant relationship established by God, operating under spiritual covering. Actions within that covenant either reinforce God’s order or invite disorder. This study is not about control, inferiority, or cultural stereotypes. It is about understanding how God designed men to receive love, how women express love biblically, and how spiritual forces can either strengthen or undermine the covenant through everyday actions.
    Key word for this study: Love (Ephesians 5:33) – The context reveals love expressed through respect, honor, and alignment. The instruction to the wife is not emotional affection alone but relational positioning that strengthens the husband’s identity, confidence, and purpose.
    Main Points

    God’s Design: Love That Strengthens, Not Competes

    Scripture: Ephesians 5:33, KJV “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
    Reverence here is not fear-based submission. The word carries the idea of honor, regard, and valuing position. God designed men to feel loved when they are respected, trusted, and affirmed in their role. A man’s heart is deeply connected to purpose, responsibility, and provision—spiritually, emotionally, and practically.
    When a wife honors her husband’s role, it strengthens him internally. When that honor is removed, it creates insecurity, frustration, or withdrawal. This is not weakness; it is design.
    Positive actions that communicate love to a husband: • Speaking respectfully, especially in disagreement • Trusting his leadership while offering wisdom without control • Affirming his efforts, even when imperfect • Supporting his purpose rather than competing with it
    Spiritual influence behind these actions: These actions align with God’s order and invite peace, stability, and unity into the home. They reinforce covenant covering and strengthen spiritual authority within the marriage.
    Negative actions that make a man feel unloved: • Public or private disrespect • Constant correction or criticism • Undermining decisions • Treating him as unnecessary or incapable
    Spiritual influence behind these actions: These behaviors open doors to discouragement, resentment, and emotional distance. They weaken unity and can invite division, pride, or passivity.

    Words, Tone, and Response: The Power of a Wife’s Voice

    Scripture: Proverbs 18:21, KJV “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
    A man often interprets love through how a wife speaks to him and about him. Tone, timing, and language matter deeply. Many men withdraw emotionally not because they do not care, but because repeated verbal negativity erodes trust and confidence.
    Positive communication that builds love: • Speaking encouragement during pressure • Addressing issues without humiliation • Expressing appreciation intentionally • Creating a safe environment for honesty
    Spiritual influence behind positive speech: Life-giving words partner with the Spirit of God to build unity, trust, and emotional safety. They strengthen covenant bonds and reduce spiritual vulnerability.
    Negative communication that creates emotional distance: • Sarcasm or contempt • Repeated reminders of failure • Nagging or belittling language • Using words to control or manipulate
    Spiritual influence behind negative speech: These patterns often align with accusation and condemnation, which are not of God. They create emotional walls and open the door to offense and withdrawal.

    Respect Versus Control: Submission Without Domination

    Scripture: Colossians 3:18–19, KJV “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
    Submission in Scripture means alignment, not silence. A wife’s wisdom is valuable, but how it is expressed determines whether it builds or battles the covenant.
    Positive expressions of alignment: • Offering counsel without insistence • Trusting God to work through order • Allowing room for growth and learning • Supporting decisions even when uncomfortable
    Spiritual influence behind alignment: This posture honors God’s design and releases peace and unity. It invites God’s covering to operate fully within the marriage.
    Negative expressions that feel like control: • Demanding outcomes • Withholding affection as leverage • Emotional manipulation • Constantly asserting superiority
    Spiritual influence behind control: Control introduces fear, resistance, and rebellion. It disrupts covenant flow and replaces trust with tension.

    Emotional Safety: What Men Rarely Say Out Loud

    Scripture: Genesis 2:18, KJV “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
    Men often feel loved when they feel emotionally safe—when they can fail, struggle, or express weakness without being diminished. Many men do not verbalize this need, but it is deeply present.
    Positive actions that create emotional safety: • Listening without immediate correction • Allowing vulnerability without judgment • Showing loyalty during hardship • Being a place of peace rather than pressure
    Spiritual influence behind emotional safety: Safety invites intimacy and trust. It reflects God’s covenantal faithfulness and strengthens marital unity.
    Negative actions that remove safety: • Using past failures as weapons • Mocking emotions or weaknesses • Sharing private struggles with others • Responding to vulnerability with criticism
    Spiritual influence behind insecurity: These actions close hearts and fracture connection. They often lead to emotional isolation and spiritual distance.

    Application

    This study calls women to examine not only what they do, but why they do it. Actions are not neutral; they carry spiritual alignment. Loving a husband biblically does not mean silence, loss of identity, or suppression of truth. It means operating within God’s design so that love strengthens rather than weakens.
    Questions for personal reflection: • Do my actions build my husband’s confidence or erode it? • Do my words create safety or pressure? • Am I aligned with God’s order or reacting from emotion?

    Conclusion

    When a wife aligns her actions with God’s design, she becomes a powerful instrument of peace, strength, and restoration in the marriage. Covenant flourishes where honor replaces contention and trust replaces control. God restores marriages not by force, but by alignment.
    This session is a call to return to covenant, to tear down spiritual influences that divide, and to rebuild love according to truth—not culture, not past wounds, but the Word of God.
    Closing Quote
    “A wife has immense power to shape the atmosphere of her home—either as a refuge of peace or a place of conflict. God’s design always leads to life.”— Leonard Ravenhill

      • Ephesians 5:22–33NKJV

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