New Beginnings Ministry
Roots: 4th Sunday Elect Lady

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  • The Kingdom Embassy | Group Therapy – ROOTS Edition 
     
    Group Therapy – May Series 
    Good morning, the Kingdom Embassy family—both in the room and online. 
    I want to begin by honoring our VTC–TKE (IE Virtual Church Family). Whether you’re joining us from your living room, your car, or your prayer closet—you are just as much a part of this moment as anyone in the building. We see you. We value you. And this space is for you too. 
    As we have stepped into the month of May 10 toes down, we are entering a focused season of Group Therapy under the theme Rooted in Signs. This month is not about noise, opinion, or appearances—it’s about discernment. Because signs don’t lie… they reveal what’s already growing under the surface. 
    Our 2nd stop 🛑 in this series is The Seven Top Relationship Issues Christian Couples Are Facing in America. Not the culture’s version. Not TikTok’s version. Not what we post. But what we actually live. 
    Today—and throughout this series—I want to gently but clearly invite you to do something intentional. 
    Take off your church hat. 
    Take off your title. 
    Take off the polished face. 
    Take off the scripture‑quoting armor you use to hide pain. 
    Take off anything you use to avoid being honest—with God, with yourself, and with this community. 
    This is not a Sunday performance space. 
    This is a healing space. 
    And healing only happens where truth is welcomed. 
    You are not required to share what you’re not ready to share—but you are invited to stop lying to yourself. Because we are not here to judge fruit; we are here to examine roots. 
    The goal of Group Therapy is not to shame couples, blame singles, or expose anyone publicly. The goal is to help us see the signs in our relationships so God can heal the roots in our hearts. (So, excuse my passion for family, relationshipsand accountability) 
    So, breathe. 
    Let your guard down. 
    And let God do the deep work. 
    Because if we get the root right… 
    the fruit will eventually follow. 
     
    Proverbs 15:1–6 TPT
    1 Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another. Responding with sharp, cutting words will only make it worse. Don’t you know that being angry can ruin the testimony of even the wisest of men? 2 When wisdom speaks, understanding becomes attractive. But the words of the fool make their ignorance look laughable. 3 The eyes of the Lord are everywhere and he takes note of everything that happens. He watches over his lovers, and he also sees the wickedness of the wicked. 4 When you speak healing words, you offer others fruit from the tree of life. But unhealthy, negative words do nothing but crush their hopes. 5 You’re stupid to mock the instruction of a father, but welcoming correction will make you brilliant. 6 There is power in the house of the righteous, but the house of the wicked is filled with trouble, no matter how much money they have.

    1. Communication & Conflict Resolution 

    Often cited as the #1 issue, many couples struggle with "Shutting Down" (stonewalling) or using "Harsh Words" rather than a "soft answer" ($Proverbs 15:1$).  
    The Struggle: Moving from blaming and "you always" statements to vulnerable communication. 
    The Goal: Practicing James 1:19—being "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." 
     
    Married (1 question) When conflict shows up, do I fight to be understood or fight to be right—and what does my spouse consistently experience from me: safety, sarcasm, silence, or war? 
     
    Singles (1 question) When I feel corrected or misunderstood, what’s my pattern—shut down, get loud, get slick, or get gone—and what root (pride, insecurity, fear of rejection) is really driving that response? 

    2. Spiritual Intimacy & Growth 

    A unique challenge for Christian couples is the **"Spiritual Gap"**—where one spouse feels they are growing faster or is more committed to the faith than the other. 
    The Struggle: Feeling lonely in prayer, church attendance, or leadership within the home. 
    The Goal: Finding a rhythm of praying together and aligning a shared vision for their family’s spiritual life. 
     
    Have I turned my spouse into a “project” I’m trying to fix spiritually—or a person I’m called to love patiently—and how does my tone prove which one it is? 
     
    Singles (1 question) If God matched me with someone at my current spiritual discipline level (prayer, consistency, obedience), would that help me or hurt me—and what would it expose about my real hunger for God? 

    3. Financial Stewardship 

    Money remains a leading cause of divorce. In a Christian context, the debate often centers on Tithing versus Personal Security or dealing with debt. 
    21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.   Mt 6:21. 
    The Struggle: Keeping finances separate, which can lead to "financial infidelity" or a lack of transparency. 
    The Goal: Viewing all resources as God’s, which encourages a unified approach to budgeting and giving ($Matthew 6:21$). 
     Married (1 question) Is there any part of our money story I’m managing in the dark—spending, debt, giving, accounts, habits—and what am I afraid will happen if everything is fully in the light? 
     Singles (1 question) Do I currently live with stewardship or survival—meaning, do I budget and tell the truth about my habits, or do I avoid, impulse, and excuse—and what does that reveal about my readiness to build with someone? 

    4. Sexual Intimacy & Purity 

    Sexual issues are often the unhealthiest area reported in troubled marriages. 
    4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  Heb 13:4. 
    Apostle Paul is teaching that marriage provides a protected space for sexual expression. The "true context" isn't about the specific mechanics of what happens in the bedroom, but about the exclusivity and holiness of the relationship. 
    He is saying: Sexual intimacy is a beautiful, God-ordained gift that stays pure as long as it remains within the boundaries of the marriage covenant. If you step outside those boundaries—or treat the gift with dishonor—you come under God's judgment. 
     
    The Struggle: Navigating past trauma, mismatched labels, or the damaging effects of things like pornography, which undermines the "one flesh" union. 
    The Goal: Reclaiming sex as a God-given gift for connection and pleasure within the safety of the marriage bed ($Hebrews 13:4$). 
     Might Need to Ponder and not Answer Publicly But Tell your Spouse
    Married (1 question) Is there anything competing with my spouse for my heart—attention, secrecy, private battles, hidden comfort patterns—and have I been courageous enough to seek help instead of hiding? 
     Singles (1 question) What private compromises am I tolerating today that would poison trust tomorrow—and what boundaries/accountability am I avoiding because I still want to control more than I want freedom? 
     

    5. Selfishness vs. Servant Leadership 

    At the root of most marital strife is the battle of "Me vs. Us."  
    Strife in marriage fundamentally means angry or bitter disagreement and conflict The key to managing marital strife involves recognizing when disagreement becomes destructive quarreling and choosing instead to address underlying needs and concerns with respect and care.
    The Struggle with Selfishness vs. Servant Leadership : Spouses prioritizing their own needs, hobbies, or careers over the health of the relationship. 
    The Goal: Adopting the "mind of Christ" described in Philippians 2:3—doing nothing out of selfish ambition but valuing the other above yourself. 
     
    Married (1 question) Where have I been committed to my comfort more than our covenant—and what sacrifice have I refused that my spouse has quietly been carrying alone? 
     
    Singles (1 question) Do I enter relationships looking to be served or looking to serve—and how do I react when my preferences aren’t prioritized? (Be honest: do I punish, withdraw, or manipulate?) 

    6. Extended Family & Boundaries 

    The biblical command to "Leave and Cleave" ($Genesis 2:24$) is often harder in practice than in theory. 
    The Struggle: Over-interference from in-laws or allowing extended family needs to come before the needs of the spouse. 
    The Goal: Establishing healthy boundaries that protect the new family unit while still honoring parents. 
     Married (1 question) When there’s tension between my spouse and my family, who gets my loyalty in real life—and what boundary am I refusing to set because I fear confrontation or guilt? 
     Singles (1 question) Am I emotionally freeing enough to cleave to a future spouse, or am I still entangled—needing approval, rescuing people, or being controlled by family expectations—and what would I have to change? 

    7. Forgiveness & Resentment 

    Resentment is known as the "silent killer" of marriage. 
    The Struggle: Keeping a "record of wrongs" and using past mistakes as weapons during current arguments. 
    The Goal: Practicing radical forgiveness, as modeled in Ephesians 4:32: "Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." 
     
    What “record of wrongs” am I still keeping—even if I say I forgave—and how does it show up in my tone, my effort, my affection, or my willingness to rebuild? 
    Singles (1 question) What unresolved bitterness from family wounds, church wounds, or past relationships am I carrying—and how would it leak into a future covenant if I don’t heal it now? 
    Bonus (Optional “Rooted in Signs” closer question) 
    If you want one “altar call” style question to end this portion strong: 
    If somebody watched the last 30 days of how I love, communicate, handle stress, and respond to correction… what sign would they say my life is rooted in—Christlikeness or coping?  
     Bonus Question #2 
    If God exposed the root beneath my repeated patterns in relationships—conflict, withdrawal, control, silence, or compromise—what would He name it: fear, pride, insecurity, rejection, addiction, or mistrust… and what have I been calling it instead to avoid dealing with it? 
     
    Bonus Question #3 
    What part of the “real me” am I protecting from being seen—by my spouse, future spouse, or this group—and how has that hidden part been quietly shaping the signs showing up in my relationships? 
     
     

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