Bulletins - A Place Of Grace

Today we’re stepping into a passage that, if I am honest, carries a lot of weight.
For some, it raises questions.
For others, it brings tension.
And for some, it may even carry pain.
We’re going to be in Ephesians 5:21–33—a passage that talks about marriage, about submission, and about love.
And before we read it, I want to say something clearly:
This passage has often been misunderstood… and sometimes misused.
There have been times in the church—through poor teaching or sinful application—where words like ‘submission’ have been used in ways that diminished women, silenced their voices, or even excused harmful behavior.
That is not God’s design. And that is not what this passage teaches.
Today, we’re not coming to this text to defend a tradition or a cultural expectation.
We’re coming to it to hear from God—on His terms, in His text in context, and with His heart.
Because this passage rightly understood, doesn’t shrink women—it dignifies them.
It calls both husbands and wives to reflect something far greater than themselves.
At its core, this passage is not just about marriage… It’s about the gospel: … It’s about how our relationships can put on display the love of Jesus Christ—a love that is sacrificial, faithful, and life-giving.
And I want you to hear this, especially to the women in our church:
You are not an afterthought in God’s design.
You are not secondary in His kingdom.
You are created in His image, gifted by His Spirit, and essential to His mission.
So as we walk through this passage today, we’re going to do it carefully, humbly, and honestly.
We’re going to let Scripture define its own terms.
We’re going to address the hard questions—not avoid them.
And we’re going to see the beauty of what God actually intended.
“Let’s take a deep breath together and come to the text. Because ultimately, what matters most today is not our assumptions, not our past experiences, and not even our cultural instincts—it’s what God has actually said.”
So if you have your Bible, look with me at Ephesians 5, starting in verse 21. Before we separate husbands and wives, notice where Paul begins:
‘Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.’
That verse is not a throwaway line—it is the foundation for everything that follows.
In other words, before Paul ever addresses roles in marriage, he addresses the posture of the heart for every believer.
This is about a Spirit-filled life.
This is about humility.
This is about becoming more like Jesus Christ & REFLECTING HIM!
So as we walk through this passage, we’re not asking, ‘Who has the power?’
We’re asking, ‘What does Christlikeness look like in this relationship?’
And from that foundation, let’s begin by reading together… Ephesians 5:21-33
Starts With Mutual Submission
Paul begins with a command that applies to every believer verse 21: “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
That means the tone of this entire passage is not domination. It is humility.
Submission in Scripture is not first about hierarchy. It is about Christlikeness.
Paul is describing what happens when believers are filled with the Spirit. A Spirit-filled believer becomes increasingly:
humble… teachable… servant-hearted… others-centered
Submission, biblically understood, is not about inferiority. It is about willingly placing yourself under God’s order out of reverence for Christ.
John Stott wrote:
“In the light of the teaching of Jesus and his apostles, we may confidently and repeatedly affirm at least three relevant truths: first, the dignity of womanhood, childhood and servanthood; secondly, the equality before God of all human beings… and the even deeper unity of all Christian believers.”
That’s important to hear today… Before God assigns roles, He establishes value.
Genesis 1:27 says both men and women are made “in the image of God.”
Galatians 3:28 in Christ we stand equally justified, equally loved, equally adopted.
1 Peter 3:7 calls women “co-heirs of the grace of life.”
We affirm these following two truths simultaneously: [slide]
Men & women are equal in… dignity, worth, and spiritual standing
Men & women also have distinct God-ordained roles within the home and church
Equality of personhood does not require sameness of function.
Church, we must be careful here. If ever biblical roles are taught in a way that diminishes dignity, something has gone wrong… be aware!
So to the women in this room: You are not being singled out by this passage. This begins as a call for all believers to live with Christlike humility.
Understanding Biblical Submission
Paul says verses 22-24: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
The moment we hear that word “submit,” our culture immediately fills it with assumptions
People hear: weakness… silence… inferiority… passivity… control
But that is not how Scripture defines it.
The Greek word Paul uses is hupotasso. It means to voluntarily place oneself under an ordered arrangement. It speaks of functional order—not lesser value.
John MacArthur notes that Paul does not use the word for “obey” here.
Paul uses a different word than the one used for children or slaves.
A wife is not treated like property or a servant awaiting commands. The relationship is intimate, covenantal, loving, and personal. Biblical submission is:
voluntary, not coerced
relational, not mechanical
rooted in trust, not fear
shaped by love, not domination
Submission is not about becoming smaller. It is about the right ORDERING strength under Christ’s design.
Even Jesus Christ submitted to the Father in His earthly ministry. Yet Jesus never ceased being fully equal with the Father.
Submission, therefore, cannot automatically mean inferiority.
Philippians 2 shows us Jesus willingly humbling Himself—not because He lacked worth, but because humility reflects divine beauty.
So biblical submission is not weakness. It is strength surrendered to God.
Confronting Some Concerns
Some hear this passage through:
experiences of manipulation or pain
emotional abuse, fear or shame
spiritual control harmful teaching
Let me be clear… this passage does NOT teach Biblical submission is:
tolerating abuse… or remaining in danger
agreeing with sin… suppressing wisdom… or losing your voice
absolutely NOT teaching submitting to all men ( “your own husbands” )
John Stott wisely wrote:
“We have to be very careful not to overstate this biblical teaching on authority… If they misuse their God-given authority for evil… our duty is no longer conscientiously to submit, but conscientiously to refuse to do so.”
That matters… God never calls someone to remain under sinful abuse in the name of spirituality.
Let’s Address Some Common Questions Honestly:
1. Does submission mean a woman must stay in an abusive relationship?
Answer: No! Abuse—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—violates God’s design
Colossians 3:19 – Husbands must not be harsh
Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands are called to sacrificial love
Psalm 11:5 – God opposes violence
If you are in a harmful situation, seeking help, protection, safety, and wise counsel is not rebellion against God. And church, we must be the kind of congregation where women feel protected, heard, valued, and safe.
2. What if my husband is not a believer or is not leading well?
Answer: You are called to honor Christ first.
1 Peter 3:1–2 – Godly conduct can influence an unbelieving husband
3. Why does this feel offensive or outdated?
Answer: Because the concept has often been misunderstood or misused.
Romans 12:2 – Do not conform to the world
1 Corinthians 1:25 – God’s wisdom differs from the world
4. What if I struggle with this teaching and it feels difficult?
Answer: Struggling is not failure—it is part of growth. Because God’s design has often been distorted. And because every one of us wrestles against surrendering ourselves fully to Christ. God is patient.
Psalm 62:8 – Pour out your heart before God
Next week we will look deeper as it pertains to husbands but I need a quick word…
Quick Word to Husbands
Notice here, Paul gives far more instruction to husbands than wives. Verses 25-30
Paul says: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Let me make this point… Biblical headship is not permission to control. It is responsibility to die to self.
The Husband to obey God, must be filled with the Holy Spirit has to die to self
The Wife in order to obey God, must be filled with the Holy Spirit and die to self
Mark 10 teaches us that leadership in the kingdom is servant leadership.
MacArthur wrote: “The woman is to be subject to the leadership of her husband—not as a slave but as one who is provided for, cared for, and secured by her husband.”
That is the tone of the entire passage. God never designed submission to function under harsh, selfish, or passive leadership.
The standard for the husband is nothing less than Christ Himself.
And husbands, if your leadership makes it difficult for your wife to flourish spiritually, emotionally, or relationally, that is not Christlike leadership.
Now a word of encouragement to our women here today…
Women Are:
Sometimes passages like this are wrongly interpreted to suggest women should become passive or invisible. But Scripture never presents godly women that way.
Proverbs 31 portrays a wise, capable, influential woman (her husband praises her!)
Romans 16 highlights women actively serving in ministry
Acts 18 shows Priscilla ministering with the church family
1 Corinthians 12 teaches that spiritual gifts are given to every believer.
So hear this clearly: Nothing in Ephesians 5 limits a woman’s spiritual gifting, ministry impact, intelligence, wisdom, or influence.
BTW… Submission in marriage is specific to the marriage relationship. It is not a blanket command for women to become silent or spiritually sidelined.
To the women in our church:
Your gifts matter. Your voice matters. Your discipleship matters. Your wisdom matters. Your ministry matters.
God has not called you to sit on the sidelines.
He has equipped you to build His kingdom.
And your identity is not first found in a marital role. It is found in Christ.
Ephesians 1 says you are: chosen… adopted… redeemed… sealed by the Spirit… loved by God
The context of Ephesians as a whole states: your new nature… you reflect/shine.… you’re gifted… you are part of the Body of Christ Jesus Himself!
That identity in Christ comes before… every earthly role.
The Real Point:
Paul finally reveals the deepest purpose of marriage. Verses 31-32
“This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
That changes everything…
Marriage is about gospel display.
The husband reflects Christ’s sacrificial love.
The wife reflects the church’s trusting response.
Together, marriage tells the truth about the gospel.
That means this passage is not ultimately about: control… power… dominance… hierarchy obsession
It is about Christ… a Savior who gives Himself fully for His people.
When husbands and wives walk in humility, sacrifice, honor, trust, and love, they preach the gospel without saying a word.
The Practical & Powerful
I appreciate Verse 33 as it gives us the practical outpouring of submission in this text… in our marriages. It looks like:
Partnership, not passivity
Wisdom, not silence
Influence, not invisibility
Respect, not fear
Communication, not suppression
Proverbs 31:30–31 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.”
Ephesians 5:33 – We see Mutual love and respect
Verse 22 is Principle or Posture and Verse 33 demonstrates the Practical
The Powerful...
This was never just about marriage. It’s about the gospel.
It’s about a Savior who loves sacrificially… who gives Himself completely… who pursues, restores, and redeems.
And it’s about a people who respond—not out of fear, not out of pressure—but out of trust and love.
So when we read this passage rightly, we don’t walk away asking:
“Who’s in charge?”… Rather…
We walk away asking: “How can my life reflect Christ more clearly?”
To the husbands here:
You are not called to control—you are called to lay down your life.
Your leadership is measured not by authority, but by sacrifice.
More next week…
And to the wives in our church:
Hear this clearly— God’s design does not diminish you—it dignifies you.
Your role is not about becoming less. It is about displaying trust in God’s design.
Your wisdom, influence, strength, and gifts are deeply valuable.
You are not overlooked—you are essential. You are not voiceless—you are gifted, called, and needed in the body of Christ.
And your role in marriage, rightly understood, is not about becoming less—it is about reflecting something eternally beautiful about the relationship between Christ and His people.
To those who are single:
You are not excluded from this message. Your life reflects the sufficiency of Christ in powerful ways.
You are fully seen, fully called, and fully significant in God’s kingdom.
To those carrying pain or tensions from distorted leadership or broken relationships:
God sees that. And where His design has been distorted & twisted by sin, He is not the author of that distortion.
His heart is for your good. His design is for your flourishing.
So here’s the invitation today to allow God to work:
When we are shaped by His love can we begin to reflect His design.
So whether you’re married, single, struggling, or thriving— The call is the same:
Fix your eyes on Jesus Christ, the author and perfector of our faith. Receive His love. Walk in & be filled with His Spirit. And let your life tell the truth about the gospel.
- - Ephesians 5:21–33NLT

Starts With Mutual Submission

Understanding Biblical Submission

Confronting Some Concerns

Let’s Address Some Common Questions Honestly:

Quick Word to Husbands

Women Are:

The Real Point:

The Practical & Powerful

The Powerful...

Ephesians 5:21–33NLT