River Church NOLA
Sunday Nov 17 Making it Through the Holidays
  • Love Came Down
  • The Way
  • O The Blood
  • Breathe
  • ​
    Intro
    Talk about families.

    How many of you shudder at the thought of all the family gatherings during the holidays?

    During the holiday season, we will all spend more time with family that we do the rest of the year. Someone once said this about family… It’s good to see them come and it’s good to see them go. Often times, we feel like a couple of days is enough and then we start to get on each other’s nerves.
    If that’s you, you are in the right place at the right time.
    Hebrews 12:14–15 NLT
    14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
    How many of you have friends? Some of the best friends you can make are right here at RC.

    We get to pick our friends, but not our families

    It’s often our family members that often cause a lot of stress in our lives. Anyone besides me have a crazy relative?
    angry aunt… bad brother… carnal cousin… sarcastic sister… ugly uncle… or a mean mother in law.
    Let me re-read that verse in the official Robert Translation.
    Work at Living in Peace with your family members… (RKS Translation)
    How many of you would love to have a great time with family and friends this holiday season?
    So,

    What can we do to make it through the Holidays?

    1. To enjoy the holidays, we need to work for peace with our family members

    Hebrews 12:14 NLT
    14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
    Everyone includes our families, who sometimes can get on our last nerves.

    Difficult people can be found everywhere especially in our families.

    We have difficult people all around us: at work, at school, at the Mall, in Restaurants, at home… don’t look to the right or left…
    The good news is that we can avoid most of the difficult people we will encounter, or at least minimize the exposure. The bad news it’s harder to avoid family members as we enter the holidays because many will have family staying with them or you will be staying with family.
    We do have some crazy folks online saying that you should avoid gathering with your family members who voted for our incoming president… or the outgoing one… if that’s you, you are way too invested in politics.
    Here is another thing I have found over the years. Most of the time, it’s our mouths that get us into trouble. Our conversations often cause a lot of conflict in our gatherings. So,

    Working for peace in our families will include peaceful, positive conversations.

    Learning how to talk to each other will go a long way to having a good experience. It’s a decision we have to make if we want to work for peace. What does a peaceful conversation look like.

    Peaceful conversations require truthful and encouraging words.

    Who likes to be lied to? NO - ONE! Lying comes from the devil and creates conflicts in relationships. Now most people have told some lie at some point in their lives, but hopefully none of us are thought of as liars.
    Proverbs 12:22 GNB
    22 The Lord hates liars, but is pleased with those who keep their word.
    It makes God happy when we tell the truth, but angry when we lie. So why do we lie?
    Sometimes people lie because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. If we want to help someone… if we want to influence someone for good, we should always lovingly tell them the truth about their attitudes, actions, relationships and word. But our speech should always be loving and kind with the goal to restore someone, not to embarrass them.
    Ephesians 4:15 NLT
    15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

    Peaceful conversations require considerate words

    Sometimes we may have to tell people we care about things that are uncomfortable so we need always be considerate in our conversations.
    “Be careful of the words you say. Keep them soft and sweet. You never know from day to day, which ones you’ll have to eat.” Will Rogers
    Has anyone besides me, ever spoken too quickly? or hit the send on a FB message too quickly? and then needed to apologize for what you said?
    Here is the solution.
    James 1:19 NLT
    19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
    That’s good stuff right there. It’s really good stuff inside your families… especially during the holidays when you are around them more than usual.
    We need to extend this to everyone we come in contact with during these holidays… mall… etc. We need to be slow to anger…

    If we want to have good family relationships, we should never use angry, critical, demeaning, gossipy, or prideful words in our conversations.

    If those are the only kinds of words you can speak, then don’t speak. And here is a verse for you if that’s you… Pro 17:28
    Proverbs 17:28 NLT
    28 Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.
    We all need to learn this lesson.

    Peaceful conversations require helpful words

    Our words need to be helpful for the person we are talking to, not to make ourselves feel better. Paul said this in Eph 4:29
    Ephesians 4:29 NIV
    29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
    Helpful words build others up and benefit them…
    Helpful words include affirming and appreciative words
    There is power in our words… especially words that lift others up and Bless them. We need to affirm, not tear down our families.
    One time Pastor Kathy said,
    Find something nice to say to someone in the first 30 seconds of conversation with them.
    Affirmation shows them that they are important to you.... that they are significant.
    Appreciative words show them that you are grateful for them.
    When is the last time you told someone you appreciated them? family member, co-worker, server at a restaurant, child, etc
    Colossians 4:6 NCV
    6 When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should.

    2. To enjoy the holidays, we need to be a good witness to our family members

    Our best witness is our behavior....
    Hebrews 12:14 NLT
    14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
    We are made holy by Jesus. He took our sin and gave us his righteousness. When we ascribe holiness to God, it speaks of perfection. When it’s applied to us, it speaks of trying our best to follow Jesus in our lives. We will never be perfect or sinless in this life.
    Now, we have all blown it and we have all blown it with our families… right? We have used spiteful and hurtful words instead of helpful words. We have used condemning words instead of words that encourage.
    We need to guard our witness. We need to make a godly impression on our families, so how do we do that? How can we be a positive witness to our families?

    Being a good witness means we practice what we preach

    James 1:21–22 NLT
    21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. 22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
    You must do what it says… No one will listen to a hypocrite. If you are trying to witness to someone but they see you drinking… cursing… losing your temper… gambling… looking at porn… telling dirty or off color jokes.... they won’t listen.
    I have heard people say, I don’t want to go to church because it’s full of hypocrites. That means the hypocrites are closer to God than they are… so come on to church… one more hypocrite won’t hurt.
    James is saying to us, if you claim to be a Christian, act like one. Act like one when you are with your family especially. If you think you are mature (be carful) then act like it. Don’t let people drag you into a fight.
    If you claim to be a Christian, don’t act like you think you are better than your family… or anyone. No one will respond to a condescending and judgemental person. I’ve seen people try to bully people into acting the way they wanted and I have also seen people act like they are offended and guilt people into acting the way they want them too. Don’t do either of these. … not if you want to enjoy your holidays.
    You be a good witness by practicing what YOU preach and not trying to manipulate them.

    Being a good witness means we control our emotions

    Too many times, conflict starts because one or more family members hasn’t matured enough to control their emotions. The emotions that most often cause our problems in families are anger and offense.
    Do you have a family member like that? don’t raise your hands… Maybe you struggle with this. Look what Pro 29:22
    Proverbs 29:22 NCV
    22 An angry person causes trouble; a person with a quick temper sins a lot.

    Too often, we cause serious damage to our relationships with angry words

    The problem is not the anger. The problem is whether or not we are mature enough to appropriately express it or to manage it. Very few people today have learned how to manage their anger. We don’t get taught that in school and most of the times our parents didn’t teach us either.
    Here are some facts about anger you may not know.
    Average woman loses her temper 3/week. Man 6/week.
    Women more angry at people… men at things…
    Singles express twice the amount of anger than married people
    Men are far more physical in their anger than women
    People are more likely to express anger at home than anywhere else. Why? They don’t want people at work to see how bad they can be...
    We need to learn how to manage our anger so we can honor God and improve our family relationships.

    Tips on How to Manage Your Anger

    1. We must decide to take responsibility over it and control it.

    Stop saying you can’t control it…

    2. Stop making excuses for your anger and blaming others for it.

    Realize that it’s a choice just like love is a choice. When you become angry, you are choosing to become angry. No-one is forcing you to be angry.

    3. Anger is a choice and you can choose how you manage it

    arguing and the phone rings… hello?
    Anger is controllable
    As a Christian, you can control it. Look at Phil 4:13
    Philippians 4:13 NLT
    13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
    With the help of the HS, you can do anything.
    Look at what Solomon said in Pro 29:11
    Proverbs 29:11 NLT
    11 Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.
    Don’t be a fool, learn to control your anger. Now the opposite of angry words are gentle words.
    Proverbs 15:1 NLT
    1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
    If you want to enjoy the holidays, use gentle words instead of harsh words. Start contolling your emotions and practice what you preach.

    3. To enjoy the holidays, we have to overcome hurt from family

    Hebrews 12:15 NLT
    15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
    We have to learn to let go of hurt, bitterness and un-forgiveness if we want to live peace filled lives. People who are close to us will hurt us at some point… intentionally or unintentionally.

    When people close to us hurt us, we need to not remember it

    IOW - Forget about it…
    Don’t think and think about it. If you do, it will get bigger and bigger in your head and control you thinking.
    Proverbs 17:9 MSG
    9 Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend!
    Remembering it over and over causes resentment and that never helps you… it only hurts you. Resentment is also self-destructive. It’s like playing with fire and it will destroy you.
    When you hold on to that hurt from the past… hold on to that grudge, it doesn’t hurt the person from the past… It hurts YOU! When you hold onto it, you are allowing them to continue to hurt you in the present. Your past is over and you have to choose to not let it keep hurting you.
    Every time you go over it in your mind, you are hurt by it again.

    When people close to us hurt us, we should not rehearse it

    Stop thinking about it over and over…
    Ephesians 4:26–27 NLT
    26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
    Staying angry with others gives the devil influence and power in your life. You may not have thought about it like this, but when you keep going over something in your mind, you will begin to resemble it. You move towards what you focus on. Past - towards the past… future - towards the futures. If you focus on the promises of God, you move closer to the Lord.
    Whatever you think about over and over you will become. How many of you said, I’ll never be like my parents? and you are…
    Bringing up the past in family relationships is not helpful to enjoying your holidays.

    When people close to us hurt us, we should not repeat it

    We should not repeat it in our thoughts or to other people.
    Proverbs 17:9 NCV
    9 Whoever forgives someone’s sin makes a friend, but gossiping about the sin breaks up friendships.
    Proverbs 16:28 GNB
    28 Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendships.

    How should we respond when people hurt us?

    When people close to us hurt us, we should forgive them

    Ephesians 4:31–32 NLT
    31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    How many of you know that you have been forgiven by God? Then we have to be willing to forgive others. Forgiving someone means no longer wanting to hurt them.
    Bob - and his daughter...
    It does not mean that you have to trust them again or let them back into your life. Some folks are not trustworthy. It just means that you are not allowing them to hurt you any longer.

    4. Put healthy boundaries between those who have verbally, physically, or emotionally abused us.

    Healthy boundaries includes saying no

    Acts 15:36–39 NLT
    36 After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” 37 Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. 38 But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. 39 Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus.
    Paul and Barnabas disagreed so sharply that they had to separate. Later, they all reconciled.
    If you have someone who is still out there… you have to forgive them for the hurt they have caused you, but that doesn’t mean you allow them back into your family.
    You don’t have to be mean, but you may have to set healthy boundaries. It might mean supervised visits with kids… or short visits in neutral places.

    Healthy boundaries includes praying for the person who has hurt us.

    We should always pray for people who hurt us.
    Matthew 5:43–45 NLT
    43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.
    We always pray… you never know what God will do. God is in the people changing business. So, what’s our goal? You can see it in Heb 12:15
    Hebrews 12:15 NLT
    15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
    IDK about you, but I want all of my family and friends to be in heaven with me. I want them all to experience the grace of God. And they won’t experience that unless they see us as grace filled and peace filled people. We need to work for peace with our family members, be a good witness towards them and overcome hurts by them.
    If we do these things, we can enjoy the holidays with family and not want to .... well you know.
    Conclusion
    Work for peace in our families…
    Peaceful and Positive Conversations…
    Use encouraging and truthful words spoken in love
    Use considerate words in our conversations
    Use helpful words in our conversations
    Use affirming and appreciative words in our conversations
    We will be a good witness to our families.
    Practice what we preach
    Control our emotions and not speak out of anger
    take responsibility for my anger
    Control my anger
    Overcome Hurt from family or those close to us.
    Forget about it
    Not rehearse it
    Not repeat it.
    Forgive it
    Put Healthy Boundaries in place
    Say no when you need to
    Pray for the person

      • Hebrews 12:14–15NLT

      • Hebrews 12:14NLT

      • Proverbs 12:22NLT

      • Proverbs 17:28NLT

      • Ephesians 4:29NLT

      • Colossians 4:6NLT

      • Proverbs 29:22NLT

      • Philippians 4:13NLT

      • Proverbs 29:11NLT

      • Proverbs 15:1NLT

      • Hebrews 12:15NLT

      • Ephesians 4:26–27NLT

      • Proverbs 16:28NLT

      • Acts 15:36–39NLT

      • Matthew 5:43–45NLT

      • Hebrews 12:15NLT

River Church NOLA
robert@riverchurchnola.com
504-578-8317
https://riverchurchnola.com
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