River Church NOLA
Sunday, March 8
  • Open Up The Heavens
  • My Jesus
  • I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever
  • Goodness Of God
  • Last week, we began a series called God Never Said That—a journey into some of the most common phrases we hear in Christian culture that sound biblical, feel comforting, and get repeated often… but aren’t actually found in Scripture.
    Last week, We started by confronting the idea, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” And we discovered that while life often gives us more than we can handle, but God never asks us to carry it alone. He meets us in our weakness with His strength.
    Today, we turn to another phrase many of us have heard—maybe even said—especially when relationships get complicated: “Forgive and forget.”
    Maybe when you were a kid and got into a fight with some friends, your mom may have told you that you should forgive and forget so you can play together again.
    Maybe at work, some one spreads a rumor about you, that proves to be wrong. The boss tells you that he apologized, so you need to forgive and forget.
    Maybe a friend shares a secret you told them in confidence. After apologizing, other friends tell you that you need to forgive and forget.
    Maybe someone is abusive to you or your kids, and as they have done in the past, they apologize. People tell you that you must forgive and forget.
    People say things like…
    It was only a mistake at work… forgive and forget… move on.
    It happened a year ago, forgive and forget.
    We’re all human and make mistakes… just forgive and forget.
    Don’t keep bringing it up. Forgive and forget.
    If you want peace at work… home… wherever, forgive and forget.
    It sounds nice. It sounds spiritual. It’s easily repeatable… But for many of us, it feels impossible. Because how do you forget betrayal? How do you erase hurtful words, forget broken trust, or forget deep wounds that still hurt?
    And if forgiveness requires forgetting, what happens when the memory remains?
    Here’s the good news: God never asks us to pretend the pain didn’t happen.  He does not demand spiritual amnesia. What He does call us to is something far deeper, far more faithful, and far more freeing.
    Today, we’re going to discover what forgiveness really is, what it is not, and how God’s grace empowers us to forgive without denying our pain, abandoning wisdom, or sacrificing healthy boundaries.

    God never said “forgive and forget”— but He did say He has the power to heal our hearts and restore our souls.

    Story of my mom forgiving her step mom… and my dad with his cousins…
    So before we go too far in talking about forgiveness, I want us to be clear about what it’s not.

    1. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting the pain.

    I know for some when you hear the word forgiveness, a painful memory comes to mind… maybe a face… a name… a moment … a wound that still hurts.
    And when someone tells you that you need to forgive and forget, it doesn’t sound freeing, it sounds cruel. So let me say this very plainly and gently…

    God never asks you to erase your memory or pretend the pain didn’t happen.

    Scripture never equates forgiveness with forgetting. In fact, the Bible is full of people who forgive while still remembering deeply.
    David forgives his enemies—and still writes psalms that name the hurt honestly.
    Joseph forgives his brothers—and still remembers the betrayal that led him to slavery.
    Even Jesus, after the resurrection, still bears the scars of the cross.
    Even when you choose to forgive someone, you have to choose to not bring it up again… you still remember.
    Forgiveness does not require amnesia.
    Let’s look at Paul’s command to forgive in Eph 4:31-32
    Ephesians 4:31–32 NLT
    31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
    Notice what Paul names first—bitterness, rage, anger. Those don’t come from forgetting. They come from remembering something that hurt. God acknowledges the reality of pain before He calls us to release it. We have to be honest with ourselves and with God about the pain.

    Forgiveness is not denying the wound. It’s deciding not to let the wound define you.

    This matters because some of you have been carrying unnecessary guilt, thinking, “If I still remember it, maybe I haven’t really forgiven.” You have believed that forgiving involves forgetting and that’s a myth.
    But remembering is human, and healing is a process. Bob’s story - Forgiveness is not a one-time emotional moment—it is often a repeated, grace-filled choice. Forgiveness is a powerful act of faith. Paul says it again in Col 3:13
    Colossians 3:13 NLT
    13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
    An offense means something real happened. Something that caused harm. Scripture never minimizes that reality.
    Forgiveness doesn’t mean that trust immediately returns, and it does not mean removing boundaries. It doesn’t mean you have to reconcile unsafe and dangerous situations or allow dangerous people back into your life.

    Forgiveness is about releasing your right to revenge and entrusting justice to God.

    After the end of apartheid, Nelson Mandela publicly acknowledged the suffering caused by the system. He spent 27 years imprisoned.
    When he became president of South Africa, he did not pretend the injustice never happened. Instead, he chose reconciliation rather than revenge. The wound was named—but it did not define the future of the nation
    For some of you, forgiveness today might not look like peace—it might look like surrender. We are not saying, “It didn’t hurt,” but saying, “God, I give You what still hurts.”
    And that kind of forgiveness doesn’t weaken you… It removes the offender’s control over you and puts you back in the hands of the one who has all the strength and ability to make things right.

    2. Forgiveness is a choice based on God’s grace, not your feelings.

    One of the reasons forgiveness feels so impossible is that we often wait until we feel ready. We think, “Once the anger fades… once the hurt stops… once the apology comes… then I’ll forgive.” But that doesn’t always happen.
    Scripture never defines forgiveness as a feeling. It defines it as a choice, empowered by God’s grace. Paul says in Col 3:13
    Colossians 3:13 NLT
    13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
    We forgive as the Lord forgave us. That phrase matters.
    God did not forgive us because we had made things right with him. He forgave us while we were still broken, still distant, still undeserving. Forgiveness begins not with how the other person treated us, but with how God has treated us.
    This is why Paul says in Eph 4:32
    Ephesians 4:32 NLT
    32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

    Forgiveness flows from remembrance—not of the offense—but of the cross.

    And that matters, because some of you are trying to forgive from an empty place. You’re asking your heart to give what it doesn’t feel like it has. But God never asks us to manufacture forgiveness. He invites us to receive it first.
    Forgiveness doesn’t say, “What happened was okay.” It says, “I refuse to let what happened control my future.”
    And yes—this choice may need to be made more than once. Sometimes forgiveness is a daily decision. Sometimes it’s a prayer whispered through clenched teeth. God I don’t want to fogive this person, but I know you want me to, so I choose not to hold them accountable…
    And God honors that honesty.
    Forgiveness is not powered by emotional closure. It is powered by God’s grace at work in you, even when your heart still feels tender.
    Because when you forgive, you’re not excusing sin— you’re entrusting the weight of justice to a God who sees fully and judges rightly.
    And that is not weakness. That is faith.

    3. Forgiveness frees your heart without removing wise boundaries.

    One of the biggest fears people have about forgiveness is this: If I forgive, does that mean I have to let them hurt me again?  And for some of you, that fear isn’t hypothetical. It’s rooted in real experiences—broken trust, repeated harm, or deep betrayal.
    Forgiveness is not letting an abusive husband back into your life.
    Forgiveness doesn’t mean you let people back into your life so that they can hurt you again…
    So let’s be clear and compassionate: 

    Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.

    You can forgive the co-worker who lied about you and no longer trust them with your personal information.
    You may forgive a friend who hurt you, but not restore that friendship to it’s former closeness.
    You may forgive a business partner who cheated you, but not trust him to go back into business with him again.
    You may forgive family members for harsh words, but put in place healthy boundaries so that it doesn’t continue to happen.

    Forgiveness is something God calls you to do. Reconciliation is something that requires repentance, change, time and safety.

    Reconciliation requires time to rebuild trust. Repentance is a fundamental U-turn. However there are times when it doesn’t need to be rebuilt and boundaries must remain in place.
    Scripture gives us language for this balance. In Romans 12:18 is says,
    Romans 12:18 NLT
    18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
    That phrase “all that you can” matters.
    It acknowledges that peace isn’t always fully within your control. You can forgive fully—and still need distance. You can release bitterness—and still keep boundaries. Forgiveness frees your heart from carrying what God never meant you to hold. 
    Paul goes on to say in Rom 12:19
    Romans 12:19 NLT
    19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.
    Forgiveness doesn’t deny justice—it defers it to God.
    And when we forgive, we’re not saying, “There were no consequences.” 
    If someone steals - restitution is needed and maybe imprisonment.
    If someone commits any crime, there will be legal consequences.
    So we are not saying there will be no consequences. We’re saying, “God, I trust You with what I cannot fix.”  This is where freedom begins. Because unforgiveness quietly chains us to the past. It replays the wound. It keeps the pain present.
    Forgiveness loosens that grip—not all at once, and not without effort—but truly.

    For some of you, forgiveness today may look like this:

    Setting a boundary. Choosing not to rehearse the hurt again. Asking God to help you release resentment one prayer at a time.

    And that is real forgiveness. It’s a process.
    Jesus never commanded us to stay in harm’s way. But He did invite us to live with hearts unburdened by bitterness.
    Forgiveness doesn’t change what happened. But it can change what happens inside you. And that freedom—quiet, gradual, God-sustained freedom—is one of the greatest gifts grace gives us.
    Conclusion
    Forgiveness was never meant to be a burden you carry alone. And it was never meant to require pretending the pain didn’t exist.
    God never said, “Forgive and forget.” He never asked you to erase your memory, ignore wisdom, or rush your healing.
    What He did offer you is something far better: the freedom that comes when bitterness no longer has the final word.
    Forgiveness doesn’t mean the wound didn’t matter. It means the wound doesn’t get to define you anymore…and for some of you, forgiveness today won’t feel finished. It will feel like a first step—a prayer, a release, a quiet decision to trust God with what still hurts.
    That is enough for today.
    Story of karla Fay Tuckers victim’s brother
    Karla Fay Tucker killed two people on Jun 13, 1983. She killed Jerry Lyn Dean and Deborah Ruth Thornton. Thornton’s brother Ronald Carlson wanted her to be executed and was filled with bitterness which led him into a drug binge. But somewhere (I believe in Ga) he accepted Christ and realized he need to forgive Karla and even ask her to forgive him for hating her. He went to the prison and asked her to forgive him and they both broke down and cried. He sat where her family would sit during her execution.
    As we close, remember this: you forgive not because the other person deserves it, but because God’s grace has met you where you are. And that grace is strong enough to carry you forward, one faithful step at a time.
    Next week, we’ll take on another phrase many of us have believed: “God just wants you to be happy.” We’ll talk about the difference between happiness and joy—and how God’s desire for your life goes deeper than temporary feelings and leads to lasting transformation.
    Let’s pray together.

      • Ephesians 4:31–32NIV

      • Colossians 3:13NIV

      • Colossians 3:13NIV

      • Ephesians 4:32NIV

      • Romans 12:18NIV

      • Romans 12:19NIV

River Church NOLA
robert@riverchurchnola.com
504-578-8317
https://riverchurchnola.com
6 members • 19 followers