Bulletins - Church Church

I have a number of text I want to look at today. I don’t a block of text. So we will be jumping around a bit.
PRAYER.
How many of you have ever had someone say you said something you didn’t say? We have all had this happen. Or they misunderstand what you say. Worse yet they use communication as a weapon to manipulate. When it occurs we all stop and think. What exactly did I say?
But how many of us have ever paused to evaluate not only what we have said in the past. But the impact of “how” we communicate in the present? Now you may think they are the same thing. But there actually is a huge difference. And it is a difference that can make big impact in the effectiveness of our communication.
A thoughtful, encouraging word, an empathetic comment, a compassionate glance … or a careless comment, a rude remark, a sarcastic smirk … what do they really communicate to those closest to you? Your words have the potential of bringing life or death to the heart of another. Your words, along with underlying attitudes, will either build others up or tear them down, strengthen them in the Lord or weaken their faith.
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
(Proverbs 18:21)
Because of both my profession in healthcare and ministry. Both in teaching, preaching and especially now in ministry on the college campus. I find myself focusing more and more on topic of effective communication. Both Christian to Christian and Christian to non-christian. More recently I have some pretty hard conversations with the people around me. I mean let’s be honest. Relationships take work. Evangelism takes work. And communication…it takes work!
And from a church community perspective, it is no secret that many churches both in America and around the world are struggling. Now I believe there are number of reasons for this. Some stem from the impact of the culture on the church. But sometimes it also stems from other things within our walls that I believe we all need to be aware of and strive to improve. Whether inside or outside. One of the most important is our communication. Now I am not going to talk so much about the “what” but focus more on the “how” of our communication. This both among ourselves and more importantly to the culture and non believers on the outside as we seek to evangelize and work together in the body of Christ. And just like we should do with every conversation. Let’s start with a good foundation. Let’s define our terms.
I. Definition
We just don’t communicate!
How many of you have seen or used this phrase. This familiar phrase is anything but accurate. You constantly and continually deliver messages that reveal the true disposition of your heart. It’s not just what you say, but the way (or HOW) you say it … the way you listen to others and the way you look at others … are all means of communication. It’s not a matter of whether you will communicate, but a matter of both what and how you will communicate. And ultimately, the thing that determines whether you encourage or discourage others—whether you help or hurt others—is your heart. Your communication originates not in your mind but in your heart.
Now let me pause and chase a bit of a rabbit here to make an important point observation. In christian circles we like to make a distinction between the head and heart. I have often said, “the heart cannot accept what the mind rejects”. And that is still a true statement. But what is also true. Based on how were are designed and what Scripture tells us is that communication (both good and bad) flow the other direction. From the heart to the mind. It is not an either or. It is both and!
“Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”
(Matthew 12:34)
A. What Is Communication?
Unfortunately, many conversations can be compared to a tennis match: two players stand on opposite ends of the court preparing to send the ball across the net in such a way that the other has little or no chance of a successful return. The goal is not to keep the ball going back and forth between them, but to deliver the ball so as to prevent a response.
Good relational conversations can be better characterized as a game of “catch.” Both people attempt to deliver the ball to the other in such a way that it can be received and then successfully returned. The goal is not to win but to keep the ball going back and forth between them.
Sometimes I think most of our communication is more about tennis than simply trying to play catch.
• Satisfying relational communication is a process of both verbal and nonverbal interaction with others in which thoughts and feelings are shared and understood—that is, the receiver of the communication hears what is said and understands what is meant by the sender.
— Verbal communication
conveys thoughts and feelings with the spoken word—both choice of words and tone of voice.
— Nonverbal communication
expresses thoughts and feelings without words (facial expressions, body posture, hand gestures, direct or indirect eye contact, patient or impatient listening, gentle or rough touch, style of dress and clothing, apathetic or silent responses, platonic or romantic kisses, style of discipline, use of money or gifts).
Both the OT and NT have Hebrew and greek terms for communication.
• The Hebrew word.....
dabar, which means “word,” is used in the Old Testament to express the concept of communication. It implies speaking about a matter. The Bible, referred to as God’s Word, speaks to us about God and is one of the ways God speaks to us on matters pertaining to life. Old Testament language also speaks about the life-giving power of God’s Word.
“He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.” (Psalm 107:20)
• In New Testament Greek,....
logos (word) is not just “the expression of a thought, concept or idea,” but refers also to the name of an object. In the first chapter of John, “the Word” (logos) signifies the Divine Expression, Christ.
“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)
But here is the big question I want to try to answer today.
“How can I communicate with others in a such way that it is most pleasing to God?”
IN SHORT FORM....The answer to this question is any method of communication most pleasing to God is one that reflects Jesus Christ in all you say and do. That means allowing Jesus Christ to be Lord of your life … allowing Him to express His words and actions through you.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:16–17)
If we start with this question and answer with scripture as our guide. Let’s look at it’s application. And what other questions we should be asking ourselves.
B. What Are Some Levels of Communication?
While we may pride ourselves in being open and honest with others, the truth is we all have to put on suits of armor to protect our thoughts and feelings. From the moment Adam and Eve recognized their sin, they sought to cover themselves and hide. They no longer wanted to be open and honest with God. Each of us, in our own way, does the same. We develop outer facades that hide inner needs. The following levels of communication are stages of personal development that will bring you out of hiding in order to communicate honestly with God … and subsequently, to face truth and to be vulnerable with others.
“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves … and they hid from the Lord God.”
(Genesis 3:7–8)
So if you will stay with me. What I want to do next is walk you thru these levels by using an exchange between Jesus and the Samaritan woman in John 4.
• Level #1 Common (superficial)
Biblical Example:
— Read John 4:7–9 .
John 4:7–9 NIV
7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)
General remarks or inquiries that are appropriate between strangers represent the most superficial level of communication. While this kind of communication is often only a polite exchange to acknowledge someone, it can also open the door to deeper levels of communicating.
Examples:
— “Nice to meet you.”
— “Where are the elevators?”

• Level #2 Casual
Biblical Example:
— Read John 4:10–11 .
John 4:10–11 NIV
10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” 11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?
Statements and information are shared, but no real personal interaction occurs. This level of communication centers on other people, events or places.
Examples:
— “Did you know Mary Jones when you grew up?”
— “Have you ever been to the ocean?”

• Level #3 Comfortable
Biblical Example:
— Read John 4:12–14 .
John 4:12–14 NIV
12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” 13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
Thoughts and ideas are communicated in this first step toward risk taking. Objections, judgments, and decisions are easily expressed. True interaction is still guarded while one’s emotional antenna looks for any signs of disapproval or rejection.
Examples:
— “I really think the government has too much control over our children’s education.”
— “It would be hard to live in a climate that has extremely cold winters.”

• Level #4 Caring
Biblical Example:
— Read John 4:16–26 .
John 4:16–26 NIV
16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” 17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” 19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” 21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” 25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” 26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”
Feelings and emotions are shared by moving beyond “head talk” into revealing “who I am.” Ideas are still communicated, but now the facts are accompanied by how I really feel about these ideas. I am expressing a sincere desire that you know and understand me. I am willing to risk sharing my own perspective so that I can then understand yours. And I will do so with courtesy.
Examples:
— “God has given you many talents … and sometimes I feel inferior.”
— “I think you are very smart … and it makes me proud to be your friend.”

C. What Are Some Guidelines for Effective Communication?
Application-Good relational communication has these three basic characteristics.
#1 Effective communication requires Warmth.
This quality conveying acceptance and courtesy
Warmth says, “You are important to me. You are valuable to me. I enjoy and respect you. I will not try to make you a carbon copy of myself, but rather I desire that you fully realize your own potential.”
Jesus was accepting of the woman. Even though she was not by the Jewish people. He show her how she had inherent value dignity and worth. He had repect for her. Even though the Jews did not. He knew her situation. And beyond her salvation, he wanted better for her. Part of what we have to realize in our communication is that evangelism is not ONLY about salvation. Scripture clearly teached that the present reality of the Kingdom is God’s design and desire is for human flurishing. He wanted to see her move beyond where she was. How many of us in our exchanges can truly say that we the best for other? Or do we simply want our own way!
#2 Effective communication requires Genuineness.
—having no hidden agendas
Genuineness says, “I am not trying to manipulate you, nor am I trying to bend you to my will. I want to make it safe for you to communicate with me and safe for you to trust that I will be truthful with you.”
Jesus was not trying to control or manipulate her. To be sure he wanted her to follow him. But never at the expense of her will and her ability to trust and feel safe. How many of us have been in conversations where after the encounter you realized that the only goal the other person had was for you to be on board with them. To be on their side. Manipulation only breeds paranoia and creates distrust. Both of how you view people and how other people view you.
#3 Effective communication requires Empathy.
—putting one’s self in the other’s circumstances—“walking in another’s shoes”
Empathy says, “While I may not know exactly what you are going through, I’m trying to understand the emotions you feel and the challenges you face. I will seek to understand you, rather than trying to make you understand me.”
Jesus was seeking to know the woman. Now why would he want to know, or seek to understand the Samaritan woman? After all he is the king of the universe. He’s omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent.
But he wanted to know her. Why?
“Yada”
From God’s perspective to know or “Yada” in Hebrew mean to experience the heart in relationship. We find this all the way back in the beginning pages of Genesis. Where Adam and Eve. Before the fall “knew” God. This is the same for us in communication and relationship to one another. And with God. This last step of empathy (not sympathy) paves the way for where real relationships can flourish. Without division. Without competition. It all begins with seeking the best for one another and laying ourselves down for one another. Let us stand and pray.
[1]Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Communication: The Heart of the Matter (pp. 1–5). Hope For The Heart.
- - John 4:7–9NIV2011
- - John 4:10–11NIV2011
- - John 4:12–14NIV2011
- - John 4:16–26NIV2011

John 4:7–9NIV2011

John 4:10–11NIV2011

John 4:12–14NIV2011

John 4:16–26NIV2011