Tanilba Bay Baptist Church
Worship

      • 1 Peter 3:1–7ANGLNIV2011

  • My Way

    Have you ever travelled alone?
    I haven’t travelled alone much, but the first time I went up to visit Faith Mission in Papua New Guinea I went by myself. Now, once I reached Goroka I was met with some of the Faith Mission team, so I was never alone after that, but for the transit up there, there were certainly some advantages in travelling alone.
    For starters, you never had to wait around while those you travelled with did whatever it is they were doing. You just looked after yourself, and that was it. And there was another joy I discovered in travelling alone… when I went to check-in for my flight from Brisbane to Port Moresby, they upgraded my economy class flight to business class. You should have seen the leg room I got in my chair!
    There’s something enticing about being in a situation where you don’t have to worry about anyone else. If you want to go somewhere, then you just go. If you want to buy something, then just buy it.
    Who wants to bend to the whims or desires of others?
    The reality is, we’ve been conditioned to an individualistic mindset. It’s all about you. No one else is going to have your interest.
    All the ads we see reinforce such a view. And every time you get burnt by other people, you’re reminded how much you need to just rely on yourself.

    A Holy Nation

    But God didn’t design you for a life independent of everyone else.
    He designed you for community.
    Now, we’ve been going through the book of 1 Peter, and even while I was away, some of our visiting speakers took us through the second chapter.
    In the second chapter, verse 9 reminds us of these words: “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession...”
    Last week, in fact, Dale came back an expanded on this idea of living with such an amazing identity.
    But I want to just quickly pick up on the phrase - “a holy nation”.
    I find it interesting that he call us a hoy nation, and not a holy individual.
    You see, back in the first chapter, he gave a strong call to be holy, but this holiness needs to be done not as a lone warrior who’s going to make it on your own, but in the midst of a community.
    As chapter 2 goes on, he’s going to flesh that out. He’s going to talk about how that is going to involve submitting to those who have authority over you. And as hard as it might sound, submitting, even when those in authority over you are not entirely good.
    You see, being a holy nation doesn’t mean you get to assert your dominance with those around you. It means living very different to those around you.
    Being holy is always going to set us apart from those around us.
    But as Peter continues his discussion, he moves the discussion from those in authority over us, to the marriage relationship.
    And it’s marriage that we’re going to focus on for most of the message today.
    Now before I continue, I want to recognise that many of you might be thinking that this might not apply to you.
    Some of you are single. Perhaps you’ve never been married, or perhaps you’re separated or widowed. If you fall into this category, don’t switch off. Though the direct application coming from this passage might not apply specifically to you, but there are priciples at play that do apply, and besides, it’s good to have a healthy view of marriage, even if you’re not in one, because marriage is a fundamentally part of our society.

    Individualistic marriage

    Okay, well, I’ve been talking about this individualistic mindset that we find in society, and the truth is, I believe we see it in marriages as well.
    It might not always be as obvious, but it often becomes clearer when marriages fall apart. Now, there are a lot of reasons why marriages might fall apart, but can I suggest that it often boils down to one or both sides of the marriage start making it about themselves. They may not state it as such, but the marriage is only seen as good when their needs are being met.
    If you go into a marriage thinking that this is going to meet your needs, you need to have a shift in your thinking, because the chances that at some point your needs will stop being met will likely be high.

    Warning about passage

    Okay, well, before we move into specifically what Peter has to say on the matter of marriage, I want to acknowledge that this may or may not be tricky to hear, partly depending on what you already think about the matter.
    We’re going to see Peter draw some distinctions between the role of the husband and the wife, and in an age where gender roles are increasingly being discarded, it might seem a foreign concept.
    If you are someone whose natural inclination is to downplay the differences between husband and wives, I want to encourage you to look at this with fresh eyes this morning.
    But there is a flip side to this. If this teaching is something your more familiar with, you need to be really aware of how easy it is to misuse this passage to say something it really isn’t saying.
    Now, there are a number of very similiar passages. You’ve got this one, and there is also the passage in Ephesians 5 which incidentally, we just happened to look at in our Wednesday evening bible study this week. There’s a few other similiar passages in other places as well, and unfortunately, there are too many examples where men have used such passage to justify abusing their partner.
    I want to be unequivocal about this… a husband dominating his wife in an abusive way can never be justified. And just to be clear, I mean all every kind of abuse including physical, verbal, sexual, financial, coercive and any other type of abuse I might have left out. In fact, I’ll go further, even if you don’t meet the threshold for the definition for any of those types of abuse, if you dominating your wife in such a way that is not loving and have her interest at heart, your actions cannot be justified by this or any other passage in scripture.
    The truth is, there are many examples in the church where abuse in marriages have gone unchecked, and that is not okay. Applying this passages as they are intended, should never allow that.

    Submission

    Well, the first verse we have today starts by saying: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands...”
    The first question we need to address is: what does it mean to submit?
    Does it mean that the husband gets to make all of the decisions and the wife just has to go along with it?
    Well, I want to start by contrasting it with the word “obey”.
    This contrast is clearer in Paul’s writing. In Ephesians, Paul similiarly says for wives to submit to their husbands, but he goes on to consider the child-parent relationship in which he says here, for children to obey their parents.
    He clearly uses two different words for the two different types of relationships, and I don’t think the difference is incidental.
    So what is the difference? Well, obedience is required. Submission, on the other hand, is written in the middle voice implying voluntary behaviour rather than coercion.
    So, submission is not something to be demanded by the husband.
    For the husbands here, when you start not getting your way, do not bring up this passage as a tool to get your own way - this is not how it is meant to be used.
    So, if we take that it is meant to be a voluntary behaviour, but what does it look like in practice.
    I’m going to suggest that actually, this is more about the attitude rather than the practicalities. What it practically means in a relationship will potentially vary from one relationship to the next.
    How you decisions are made, or who controls the finances, or who does various household jobs around the house will all depend on the circumstances in you household.
    So for example, if the wife is better at controlling the finances, it makes sense that she takes that job. The husband doesn’t need to be in control of everything.
    You know, it’s interesting when you look at verses 5 and 6 and Peter is giving Sarah’s submission to Abraham as an example and holding this up as an example to follow. I don’t want to make too much of a point of this, but in Genesis 21 we’re told about the time shortly after Sarah has the promised child of Abraham and we then get this tricky period between Sarah and Hagar. Well, Abraham is quite distressed by the whole situation, by then God says to Abraham, don’t be distressed… listen to whatever Sarah tells you”. The point being, even a submissive wife gets to call the shots some times.
    If you really want to know what submission should look like, the best example by far is to look at the way Jesus conducted himself. First and foremost in how he submitted himself to God the Father, but more generally, how he took the posture of a servant in many scenarios.

    Winning over the unbelieving husband

    But let’s get back to the letter, because as Peter describes how the wife is to submit to the husband, he considers a certain scenario, one where the wife is a believer and the husband is not.
    Now, he’s not suggesting this is the only scenario where this applies, but rather showing how this attitude can have a broader effect.
    You see, you could imagine in the scenario where the husband believes and the husband doesn’t, this could be very hard for the wife. This is particularly so in a culture where the husband is expected to be dominant over the wife.
    But rather than trying to push against it, the believer can take a different approach because the believing wife can show how much she has been transformed in her actions and behaviour.
    Now, let me just make a few quick comments. This is not meant as an evangelistic technique. Peter is not suggesting that women go out and find themselves an unbelieving husband so she can convert him with her submission. He’s rather saying that if you find yourself in this scenario, you should not underestimate what your actions can achieve.

    Clothes and hairstyle

    Peter then enters the territory of a woman’s clothing and hairstyle.
    Now, this can feel like dangerous terrain, because telling a woman what they should or shouldn’t wear can feel like your overstepping your boundary.
    But actually, if you carefully look at what Peter’s saying here, he’s actually not telling them what they should or shouldn’t wear.
    We’re looking specifically at verse 3 here. It says here: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes.”
    On first reading, it can sound like he’s saying to not wear anything nice.
    Actually, he’s not saying that. He’s saying outward appearances are not what beauty is about, rather it’s about your character.
    I’m sure we all know people who are physically very attractive, and the world would label them as beautiful people, and yet are horrible people. And on the other side, know people who do not have what the world would commonly consider as beauty, and yet are among the most beautiful people you could meet.
    It’s inner beauty that we should be aspring to. If you want to have beautiful clothes and a fancy haircut as well, well, there’s nothing wrong with that, just don’t confuse it with the character we’re meant to have.

    Role of the husband

    Okay, well, we’ve talked about the wife enough now, it’s time to turn to the husband.
    We should never talk about a wife submitting to her husband without talking about the responsibility of the husband.
    The husband cannot think of himself as some sort of king who has a wife to do all of his bidding. This would be to completely misunderstand what is being said here.
    Now, in the NIV, verse 7 starts with the words “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives...”
    A more direct translation of the original Greek is actually: “living with one’s wife knowledgeably”.
    It’s the sense of knowing your wife and adapting accordingly. In Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wivesa sense, while technically different to submitting, but you could say that it’s a type of submission. It’s saying, I’m not necessarily going to do what’s in my own personal interest, in fact, it will often involve a self-sacrificial nature to everything you do.

    Weaker partner

    Peter then goes on to use a phrase that at first might sound derogatory, calling the wife the weaker partner. Actually it’s not meant as derogatory at all. Weaker partner does not imply inferior or less important.
    Actually, it’s one of the reasons we see a difference in the overaching role of the husband and wife. While you might be able to give me some exceptions, generally speaking, the husband will be physically stronger than the wife. Generally speaking, the wife will be more vulnerable than the husband. This is not a value judgement. It’s a statement of reality.
    The husband should acknowledge the differences and do everything he can to protect his wife.

    Co-heirs

    But in case there was any concern as to whether Peter actually thought husbands were more important or in some ways better than their wives, I think the next phrase he uses after describing them as the weaker partner will show that’s not the case. You see, he says to the husband to treat them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.
    In other words, wives are co-heirs with their husbands. They are equal in their heavenly reward.
    While there is a difference between men and women, there is an equality, and this needs to be remembered.
    Now the beautiful thing that Peter ends with in this section, is that when this relationship is done well, your prayer life in enhanced as well.
    Are prayer life can be so easily hindered when we let our selfish individualism get in the way. A healthy marriage relationship is actually a way to avoid this.

    Being worthy of submission

    Now, for husbands who like to remind their wives that they need to submit to them, I’ve got something I want to add.
    No where does it say a husband should demand submission, in fact, as I alluded to earlier, the implication is that submission is a voluntary act that the wife chooses. It may be a wise thing for her to choose, but it’s not to be coerced.
    And so, my challenge to the husbands… instead of telling your wife to submit, how about you act in such a way that they want to submit. When you genuinely care about how she feels and about how her welfare and safety… when you treat her like she matters… like she’s a co-heir to God’s kingdom… then maybe you’ll find that there’s not a question of whether she should submit or not… she’ll just want to.
    When this is done well, there is no controversy with the idea at all.
    But let me just remind everyone… husbands are human.
    We can paint this ideal picture, and maybe at times, in some relationships things might get close, but every husband will fall short.
    But we don’t let this stop us from stiving towards making marriage what it should be. We need to practice forgiveness where necessary. We need to practice humility and acknowledging when we fail.
    Wives, don’t wait till your husband is perfect before you practice the type of submission I’ve been talking about here.
    But if I can give a final warning, if you are in a relationship where you feel unsafe, then this is not directed at you. Your safety is important. There are too many stories of women continuing to submit to abusive husbands because of some notion that the bible tells them to.
    Can I suggest, that if you husband is being abusive towards you, they’ve already broken their wedding vow. Please reach out to a safe person.
    This passage is rather trying to correct the selfishness we bring to marriages, it does not condone any kind of abuse.

    Conclusion

    As I mentioned earlier, I recognise that not all of you are married so let me just end with this… while this passage does specifically apply to the marriage relationship, this does fall in the broader teaching of submitting to one another.
    There are some general principles of not lording ourselves over others, and treating people with kindness and dignity. This applies to all of us.
    We do all of this because Jesus has given us the example of how to live. He’s shown us a much better way.
    While the world will keep telling you to look after yourself and if you don’t like something, get rid of it. The Christian message is that you are part of something so much bigger and better. Something that leads to peace and love.
    Marriage is one part of this, but when we live holy lives as God intended, we’ll see marriages become a key component to the peace in our world.
    Let me pray...
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