An offense…
A breach of trust…
An insult (actual or perceived)
A harm…
A neglect…
“How could they do that to me? I’ll never get over this! I can never let this go!”
If any of this strikes a nerve with you, please be sure to join us this Sunday at 10:45 as we see what God’s Word says on the subject that most of us understand intellectually… but sometimes wrestle with emotionally and spiritually. The application will be tough, but the reward is well worth it.
Someone once said, “Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.”
I pray that I will see you all this Sunday as we “unwrap this gift” a bit more.
Have a great weekend and I’ll see you soon…
Craig
I wrote about grief as a spiritual practice on a previous blog post. I mentioned that the act of surrender is a spiritual practice too. Surrender to grief means that we allow ourselves to feel the emotions that are sometimes caused by it. Our emotions communicate what is going on inside of us (e.g., spirit, mind, etc.). The emotions experienced while grieving allow us to feel deeply and undergo transformative spiritual growth.
In this post, I plan to offer a few suggestions about how to minister to those that are grieving. Some of the suggestions come from my professional work and training, and others simply come from my grief and life experience.
Suggestion #1 – Listen.
One of the most effective interventions we can use with someone experiencing grief is to listen. From my own experience of being ministered to, I know that listening is very powerful. It’s especially significant when the person listening does so fully and wholeheartedly.
Many caregivers to whom I talk, whether clergy, healthcare professionals, therapists, or caregivers, have told me that listening is one of the most effective interventions they use. Sometimes, listening involves little to no talking at all. Yet the persons being listened to say that they feel much better.
Suggestion #2 – Avoid “I know _____” Statements and Clichés.
A fundamental law about grief is that everyone experiences it differently. I think it’s appropriate to say that how you experience grief is different from how I experience it.
It’s best to avoid statements like “I know how you feel” or “I know what you’re going through.” You don’t know the inner workings of someone else’s life and relationships. Even if you experienced a loss, too, you don’t know what their loss feels like.
Also, try to avoid clichés like “they’re in a better place.” These statements minimize the loss and they try to distract the individual from the emotions they are experiencing.
Suggestion #3 – Ask how you can help now.
It’s best to anticipate the need and proactively meet it. When you can’t anticipate the need, it’s always good to offer help with daily tasks, food, walk the dog, and [insert your example here]. Be specific. It’s easy to say things like “let me know how I can help you.” Although we mean it when we say it, it doesn’t always translate like that to the hearer.
Suggestion #4 – Hold space for emotions and grief.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the author of “On Death and Dying” and developer of the five stages of grief, writes the following:
“Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. These feelings are important; they are the psyche’s protective mechanisms. Letting in all the feelings associated with loss at once would be overwhelming emotionally.”*
Sometimes the individual can’t believe what has happened because they are not ready. The best thing we can do is to be present and provide them with space to grieve naturally. God has a way of guiding through the process of grief.
_________
*Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss (New York: Scribner, 2014), 10.
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