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Most of us are aware of the alarming rate at which children leave the church when they enter young adulthood. The statistics on this vary depending on what studies you look at, but one thing is clear, there is cause for concern. What we often fail to investigate is what keeps kids in the church? What are the factors that keep children growing in their faith into young adulthood? The purpose of this brief article is to address two reasons that contribute to children remaining in the church into adulthood.

The first reason is the father’s involvement. There was a study done by Lifeway Research a few years ago that identified Father’s Day as the lowest attended day of the year for churches. A similar study found that if a father doesn’t go to church, regardless of if the mother does, only 1 in 50 children will continue to attend church into adulthood. However, if the father does go to church, regardless of the mother’s actions, between two thirds and three quarters will attend services into adulthood. Further, when both parents attend a Bible study in addition to Sunday services 72% of kids will participate in church services and Bible studies into adulthood. I don’t present this data to dismiss the importance of a mother’s engagement in a child’s development and love for Christ, rather, to point out the importance of the father’s contribution toward the child’s love for Christ. My suggestion for parents on this echoes a suggestion I recently made to the youth group when talking about impacting their schools with the Gospel, kids are watching. Both parents should know the importance of their role and actions when it comes to their child’s long-term involvement in church and growth in Christ.

The second contribution to address is simply getting kids engaged in ministry. I used to hear a fellow pastor state “the best way to predict future behavior is past behavior.” This statement rings true concerning children growing up in the church and developing a lifelong love for Christ and His church. We will often think kids leave the church when they become young adults. The fact is that we are losing children earlier and earlier in life. One study found that most adults aged 20-29 that no longer attend church stopped attending somewhere between middle school and high school. This suggests it’s not a trend that occurs when kids leave the home and go to college, it starts much earlier than that and becomes a pattern they follow into adulthood.

How can we stop the trend of kids walking away from the church and their faith in Christ? Here are three things I think we can at least start with.

First, regardless of how great the youth leader is, or how fantastic the children’s ministry teacher is, children are watching their parents. The philosophy of ministry I’ve found to be most successful in both youth and children’s ministries is to encourage the parents to be the primary disciplemakers in their homes. The ministry at the church helps to augment and facilitate the parents’ efforts. At best youth and children’s ministry leaders get 2-3 hours a week with a child. This is not enough time to fully devote to creating disciples for Christ. The parents can begin facilitating the discipleship of their children by first modeling the actions they desire and second by encouraging those actions when they see them in their kids.

The second thing I want to point out is specifically to the fathers. In my history in church leadership, I’ve often observed mothers in the mix but in many situations watched as fathers are on the sidelines and never get into the game. Dads, we must be in the mix. Almost all research on the topic of poverty indicates an absent father is one of the greatest indicators a child will grow up in poverty and stay in poverty. The fact that children who walk away from their faith is so pronounced based on the fathers’ actions suggests that our inaction will lead to spiritually impoverished children. What this also suggests for those who are being raised in homes without father’s is that those of us in the church can come along side and model what Godly father’s do. Take an interest in kids, get involved in children’s ministry, help with the spiritual development of kids in our own homes and churches.

Finally, for all parents, get support and give support. I have a terrible time receiving support but there have been plenty of times as a dad I’ve needed it. One of the beautiful things God does through His church is build in a support network of believers to help build one another up and sustain each other during struggles. As a parent this is vital. There are two ways I’ve found that are very effective for developing supportive relationships in the church: serving and small group studies. Serving can make the larger church much smaller as you begin to make supportive friends. Small group studies serve the same purpose. Connections are made and supportive relationships cultivated in Christ.

I’ll close this article with a couple simple questions: As a parent or grandparent what are you modeling for your kids or grandkids? Do you have a supportive church network you are a part of, if not, what are you doing to develop one? 

Blessings,

Steve