The other day I made some passing comments about the nature of marriage. Let's flesh that out a bit.
Marriages ending is a hard thing to speak about, not least because many of us have either been in marriages that have broken up, or have some close connection to a marriage that has ended. Every time we speak about the godly ideal, some of us will inevitably feel regret, sadness and perhaps shame at the way that we have failed to live in line with God's design and commands.
Here's the good news: If you belong to Jesus, your sin is dealt with. It's taken away! It's gone! Whether your sin contributed to the ending of a marriage, or you see your own failures in your present marriage, Jesus atones for, and forgives your sin because of his redemptive work on the Cross.
We recognise our sin, we repent of it, we trust in Jesus and we seek to embody the wonderful holiness the God has for us!
What is marriage?
Marriage is the covenant union between a man and woman. God encoded this design into His Creation. It is not an invention of the state or religion. There's a reason why it is found everywhere across the earth.
"...a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Ge 2:24).
God is so committed to this design feature that He is involved in making marriages:
"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mt 19:6).
There will be some who are given the gift of celibacy (1 Cor 7:7–9) but we expect, due to the way God has designed the world and what he has revealed in the Scriptures, that most people will have the gift of marriage.
This special union is the place where our God glorifying sexuality is freed to be given and enjoyed. That sexuality bears the fruit of new life; children are the good and natural produce of marriage (Gen 1:28). The curse can get in the way of that, with infertility or death, but unless there is a providential hindering, fruitfulness is expected.
How is marriage Covenantal?
Covenants are like relational contracts. It's not as cold as a contract in a business sense (i.e. "If I do A, you owe me B"). Covenants do involve obligations from one party to another, but it is connected by relationship. It is much more than a contract.
The covenants that Christians are most familiar with are found in the Old Testament, with notable examples of Abraham and Israel who covenant with God. The LORD promises to be their God and to bless them in posterity. He also outlines how they will treat each other: God's people will be faithful to Him, and he will give them life.
God's loving relationship with his people is the model on which our marriages are based. The ultimate marriage is the heavenly marriage between Christ and His Bride, the Church. This is why Paul would tell husbands and wives to emulate God's covenantal relationship in their marriages (see Eph 5:22–27).
We recognise the covenantal nature of marriage in the ceremonies we have adopted at weddings. Although there is a fad going around of making up your own vows (which are often not vows at all), the standard is that the bride and groom will make serious promises to one another. They invite God, their family, friends and church to be witnesses to the solemnisation of their covenant. Even if you elope, most modern governments require there to be least be an officiant and two witnesses to make the union valid.
Concrete Covenants
Marriages are like pillars. The ideal marriage is founded on the Rock of Christ, who upholds the world. Then, the marriage is positioned on the plinth (or base) which is a covenant which aligns and supports the pillar to fulfil its design of upholding the epic edifice we call society.
Now, in a building of many pillars holding up the structure, you can get away with removing a couple of the pillars. There are enough others to take up the slack and share the load. You can even live with a few wonky ones because the building is still standing.
But, in case you hadn't noticed, we're living in a building where a bunch of the inhabitants are tearing it down. They yell and whine and complain when we say that the pillars are important, and the covenant plinths are important, and the foundation is important.
They want to excavate the foundations under the building while we're still in it. They want pour in slop and sand to replace the rock. They're running around knocking out all the pillars they can, while trying to put in piles of manure to hold up the roof.
Unless Christ steps in to stop the current insanity, our society will collapse in on itself because all the structure will have been removed. (Maybe that's his plan? Does Christ want us to rebuild our culture and community from scratch? I digress...)
Christians are not immune to the insanity going on around us. Many of us have adopted silly views on marriage, probably without even noticing it. For example, we may think that marriage is founded on romantic love, rather than covenant love. This means that when the feeling fades somewhat, the people think they're justified in leaving. This way of ungodly thinking will even validate adultery in the twisted conscience. Similar examples include someone is not "happy", or not "satisfied". We do expect that romantic love and happiness and satisfaction will be part of the ideal marriage because it is cultivated and worked-on, but these things are not the basis for the union.
Another area where the silliness has crept in, is by making the decision to divorce a private matter between partners. You didn't make your covenant in private, you promised before God and people to fulfil your covenant obligations to one another. If you are going back on those promises, it is a public matter. This is not to say marital counselling and conciliation efforts should be public, but if it comes down to pulling the pin, it is not just a private matter. It affects us all as a community. Don't take the cowards way out and avoid what the Scriptures and Christian family have to say to you. We hope and pray that when marriages get rocky, we as a loving community can rally around with grace and love to see restoration.
Because of our hard hearts, because of sin, there will inevitably be times when marriage covenants are broken, and because of this, God does permit divorce in some cases (Mt 19:8). He permits remarriage in some cases too . Yet you will notice that these are quite limited.
God designed marriage to be the building block of society, yet it seems our society is intent on removing all the building blocks. We hope and expect that Christians will not fall into the traps of the world, but instead emulate the covenant love and faithfulness of the Lord. God has placed us in a spiritual family to help encourage us to stay faithful and grow in godliness in our marriages.
Don't let past failure in marriage weigh you down, only make sure you have repented of any sin. We cannot change the past, only look to Christ. Look to Christ and walk faithfully to cultivate a marriage that looks like Christ & His Church. Take your covenant seriously.
Samuel Lindsay
"This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Eph 5:32–33).
Concrete Covenants
The other day I made some passing comments about the nature of marriage. Let's flesh that out a bit.
Marriages ending is a hard thing to speak about, not least because many of us have either been in marriages that have broken up, or have some close connection to a marriage that has ended. Every time we speak about the godly ideal, some of us will inevitably feel regret, sadness and perhaps shame at the way that we have failed to live in line with God's design and commands.
Here's the good news: If you belong to Jesus, your sin is dealt with. It's taken away! It's gone! Whether your sin contributed to the ending of a marriage, or you see your own failures in your present marriage, Jesus atones for, and forgives your sin because of his redemptive work on the Cross.
We recognise our sin, we repent of it, we trust in Jesus and we seek to embody the wonderful holiness the God has for us!
What is marriage?
Marriage is the covenant union between a man and woman. God encoded this design into His Creation. It is not an invention of the state or religion. There's a reason why it is found everywhere across the earth.
"...a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Ge 2:24).
God is so committed to this design feature that He is involved in making marriages:
"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mt 19:6).
There will be some who are given the gift of celibacy (1 Cor 7:7–9) but we expect, due to the way God has designed the world and what he has revealed in the Scriptures, that most people will have the gift of marriage.
This special union is the place where our God glorifying sexuality is freed to be given and enjoyed. That sexuality bears the fruit of new life; children are the good and natural produce of marriage (Gen 1:28). The curse can get in the way of that, with infertility or death, but unless there is a providential hindering, fruitfulness is expected.
How is marriage Covenantal?
Covenants are like relational contracts. It's not as cold as a contract in a business sense (i.e. "If I do A, you owe me B"). Covenants do involve obligations from one party to another, but it is connected by relationship. It is much more than a contract.
The covenants that Christians are most familiar with are found in the Old Testament, with notable examples of Abraham and Israel who covenant with God. The LORD promises to be their God and to bless them in posterity. He also outlines how they will treat each other: God's people will be faithful to Him, and he will give them life.
God's loving relationship with his people is the model on which our marriages are based. The ultimate marriage is the heavenly marriage between Christ and His Bride, the Church. This is why Paul would tell husbands and wives to emulate God's covenantal relationship in their marriages (see Eph 5:22–27).
We recognise the covenantal nature of marriage in the ceremonies we have adopted at weddings. Although there is a fad going around of making up your own vows (which are often not vows at all), the standard is that the bride and groom will make serious promises to one another. They invite God, their family, friends and church to be witnesses to the solemnisation of their covenant. Even if you elope, most modern governments require there to be least be an officiant and two witnesses to make the union valid.
Concrete Covenants
Marriages are like pillars. The ideal marriage is founded on the Rock of Christ, who upholds the world. Then, the marriage is positioned on the plinth (or base) which is a covenant which aligns and supports the pillar to fulfil its design of upholding the epic edifice we call society.
Now, in a building of many pillars holding up the structure, you can get away with removing a couple of the pillars. There are enough others to take up the slack and share the load. You can even live with a few wonky ones because the building is still standing.
But, in case you hadn't noticed, we're living in a building where a bunch of the inhabitants are tearing it down. They yell and whine and complain when we say that the pillars are important, and the covenant plinths are important, and the foundation is important.
They want to excavate the foundations under the building while we're still in it. They want pour in slop and sand to replace the rock. They're running around knocking out all the pillars they can, while trying to put in piles of manure to hold up the roof.
Unless Christ steps in to stop the current insanity, our society will collapse in on itself because all the structure will have been removed. (Maybe that's his plan? Does Christ want us to rebuild our culture and community from scratch? I digress...)
Christians are not immune to the insanity going on around us. Many of us have adopted silly views on marriage, probably without even noticing it. For example, we may think that marriage is founded on romantic love, rather than covenant love. This means that when the feeling fades somewhat, the people think they're justified in leaving. This way of ungodly thinking will even validate adultery in the twisted conscience. Similar examples include someone is not "happy", or not "satisfied". We do expect that romantic love and happiness and satisfaction will be part of the ideal marriage because it is cultivated and worked-on, but these things are not the basis for the union.
Another area where the silliness has crept in, is by making the decision to divorce a private matter between partners. You didn't make your covenant in private, you promised before God and people to fulfil your covenant obligations to one another. If you are going back on those promises, it is a public matter. This is not to say marital counselling and conciliation efforts should be public, but if it comes down to pulling the pin, it is not just a private matter. It affects us all as a community. Don't take the cowards way out and avoid what the Scriptures and Christian family have to say to you. We hope and pray that when marriages get rocky, we as a loving community can rally around with grace and love to see restoration.
Because of our hard hearts, because of sin, there will inevitably be times when marriage covenants are broken, and because of this, God does permit divorce in some cases (Mt 19:8). He permits remarriage in some cases too . Yet you will notice that these are quite limited.
God designed marriage to be the building block of society, yet it seems our society is intent on removing all the building blocks. We hope and expect that Christians will not fall into the traps of the world, but instead emulate the covenant love and faithfulness of the Lord. God has placed us in a spiritual family to help encourage us to stay faithful and grow in godliness in our marriages.
Don't let past failure in marriage weigh you down, only make sure you have repented of any sin. We cannot change the past, only look to Christ. Look to Christ and walk faithfully to cultivate a marriage that looks like Christ & His Church. Take your covenant seriously.
Samuel Lindsay
"This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Eph 5:32–33).