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CO105 Introducing Christian Counseling: Worldview Approach Segment 22 - Counseling Is a Collaborative Conversation By Dave Owen I’m beginning to understand the importance of earning the trust of the person you are counseling. This person has come to you with a struggle, pain, anger, etc., with an issue or problem that has overwhelmed them, and they are looking for answers, understanding and how to work through things. They wouldn’t have stepped out and sought counsel if they weren’t in the state of hopelessness and seeking help. And in the very first session, I envision, thanking the person for having the courage to meet and start the process of working through things. These issues might be painful and difficult to talk about. I need to listen to the spoken and unspoken communication, asking questions if there seems to be a disconnect. My goal is to build trust early on, taking the time to listen to there story. They are the experts of their story and being attentive to that and allowing them space and asking appropriate questions so that they can think / talk through relationship interactions. Thinking about what the other person might have been thinking, feeling, etc. I need to be careful not to give directive feedback and know I must be very attentive in this matter. For in my management experience, taking control and having the last say was the norm. Reflecting, I realize it was more about pride and always about being right. I believed employees should be valued, but I wasn’t creating a safe environment where someone could speak their mind, letting them work through the problem or issue. I also need to be careful not to be non-directive thereby giving the counselee the impression I’m not part of this discussion. That I’m just a sounding board for them to get things of there chest. The interactive conversation should be neither directive or non-directive. Again, giving the space and allowing silent periods to unfold and asking good probing questions will empower the person to take ownership of the issues, knowing that when revelations are revealed from within, the client will be more likely to continue this healing process, understanding they own the catalyst for change. A Collaborative Conversation involves being with the counselee, being side by side. In last couple years I served as an Agile Coach for development teams in the DFW area. This preparation and training taught me the strategies used by Agile teams to address complex problems. Enabling the product owner of the project full reign over what features that bring the most value. For the product owner understands the market and the takes ownership as this is part of their role. The collaborative conversation comes from timeboxed meetings where no other outside interruptions are allowed. The focus is on the PO and all brainstorming issues / stories are recorded. No critiquing of ideas is allowed, all ideas / issues are recorded. Many of these issues have additional clarity / detail as things are revealed and there are times it is discovered these ideas become issues of high value. The counseling environment is similar in that the client comes in with complex issues / problems that are not easily resolved. The counselee like the product owner in Agile knows their story best. And these conversational sessions are critical as we explore and uncovered the deepest layer possible, talking these things out with the client taking full ownership. The entire process of open conversation without critique and stepping carefully in teachable opportunities will build trust. This continued cycle of listening and reflecting with deep connection creates the healing environment that extends further than the office visits. The client keeps exploring and using resources, examining thoughts, and zeroing in on healthy responds. Comforting and healthy emotions will come over time and it will mean so much more because the person knows all the hard work has great value in their life going forward. It is very important to let the counselee know that it is an honor to serve them, and the time spent has great value for both parties. I’m reminded, that from the beginning before the conversation begins, the counselor most truly believe that they are worth meeting with. I must believe I have much to offer and realize it takes time to develop solid counseling skills and it’s important to have experienced fellow counselors, to advise on cases, learning from them as we go along on the counseling journey together. The healing of the Soul can never be understated! This is for all of us!

Response Paper CO105 Katie Murphy Foundations of Christian Counseling The gospel should be the foundation of Christian Counseling. We should think of it as trying to get deeper into Gods story, what He tells us and discern and understand some of what He was accomplishing through the cross. Of course it was to save us, which is truly amazing and incredible but there’s much more to it.      When we view the gospel as simply just paying the penalty of our sin, our counseling is reduced to reminding people they are forgiven and sending them out to act like it. That doesn’t help people, or make them feel understood. Justification was not the only purpose. God has a transformational purpose. He wants us to enter into a relationship with Him, to address that yes, relationships were shattered with Adam, but He has come to heal that. He wants to make us into the people He intended us to be. With that in mind, counseling becomes a source for health and growth into that person God intended us to be. It’s important for us to keep in mind Gods ultimate purpose. We need to remember that Gods glory is greater than even mans salvation. The main purpose of the Gospel is to exalt Christ and glorify God.      God created us to be a relationship centered people. To understand that can help us see grace differently. The gospel isn’t only about paying for our sins, the legal penalty; that limits grace to just unmerited favor. The gospel is about restoring relationships, at the center of it all. Grace is Gods presence as our relationship is restored by Him. Understanding that allows us to come along side people, join them in the challenges of loving God and loving others. We can look to Elihu as an excellent example of what we should strive for in being counselors. He showed acceptance, a willingness to humbly be at the same level as Job and a strong desire to point Job to God. Where others failed with their condemnation, being critical and condemning, Elihu succeeded.       There are some ways we can put this knowledge into action in counseling. A very important thing we need to always keep in mind is Gods grace.  A excellent example of how we can can be found in Genesis 3, in how God handled Adam and Eve. Firstly, God showed up. He was present, He listened and connected to them. We seek to understand, reflect back to them what we are hearing so they feel accepted. Feeling accepted has much more power than I think we realize when dealing with other people. We need to accept people where they are. Gods love and acceptance for us in unmerited favor should lead us to empower people, the same way He empowers us.       An important thing we need to remember when we are thinking of foundations of counseling is what the purpose is of counseling and what it is not. Counseling is difficult, and if we enter into counseling with the wrong goals we can make it considerably harder. Counseling isn’t about giving advice, or solving people’s problems. There will be times when you can “feel” people wanting those things. We can cause more harm than good and not be as helpful as we could be by doing those things. Counseling is hard because life is hard. Jesus said in John 12:24 “Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies it bears much fruit.”  Dying to self is a painful process. We aren’t meant to make that pain go away. That pain is part of the process, and without it we don’t bear fruit. We need that death, that being cracked open if we are to grow.       We have discussed what counseling isn’t, so we know what to look for, where we could be tempted to “fix” other people. The most important aspect of counseling is the fact that it’s a conversation. It’s a conversation fixated on one person, their life, issues and walk with God. Our job as counselor is to direct that conversation. We direct where the conversation goes, and what are good areas to focus on. We are trying to help them take a step back and really think about what’s happening. We help them to slow down and notice. It’s easy for people to live their lives on autopilot, spending more time reacting to things than being active participants in their lives. Through counseling we help with our conversations, and lay out a big Ning, middle and end, each with different purposes and goals.