CO105 Introducing Christian Counseling: Worldview Approach Segment 22 - Counseling Is a Collaborative Conversation By Dave Owen I’m beginning to understand the importance of earning the trust of the person you are counseling. This person has come to you with a struggle, pain, anger, etc., with an issue or problem that has overwhelmed them, and they are looking for answers, understanding and how to work through things. They wouldn’t have stepped out and sought counsel if they weren’t in the state of hopelessness and seeking help. And in the very first session, I envision, thanking the person for having the courage to meet and start the process of working through things. These issues might be painful and difficult to talk about. I need to listen to the spoken and unspoken communication, asking questions if there seems to be a disconnect. My goal is to build trust early on, taking the time to listen to there story. They are the experts of their story and being attentive to that and allowing them space and asking appropriate questions so that they can think / talk through relationship interactions. Thinking about what the other person might have been thinking, feeling, etc. I need to be careful not to give directive feedback and know I must be very attentive in this matter. For in my management experience, taking control and having the last say was the norm. Reflecting, I realize it was more about pride and always about being right. I believed employees should be valued, but I wasn’t creating a safe environment where someone could speak their mind, letting them work through the problem or issue. I also need to be careful not to be non-directive thereby giving the counselee the impression I’m not part of this discussion. That I’m just a sounding board for them to get things of there chest. The interactive conversation should be neither directive or non-directive. Again, giving the space and allowing silent periods to unfold and asking good probing questions will empower the person to take ownership of the issues, knowing that when revelations are revealed from within, the client will be more likely to continue this healing process, understanding they own the catalyst for change. A Collaborative Conversation involves being with the counselee, being side by side. In last couple years I served as an Agile Coach for development teams in the DFW area. This preparation and training taught me the strategies used by Agile teams to address complex problems. Enabling the product owner of the project full reign over what features that bring the most value. For the product owner understands the market and the takes ownership as this is part of their role. The collaborative conversation comes from timeboxed meetings where no other outside interruptions are allowed. The focus is on the PO and all brainstorming issues / stories are recorded. No critiquing of ideas is allowed, all ideas / issues are recorded. Many of these issues have additional clarity / detail as things are revealed and there are times it is discovered these ideas become issues of high value. The counseling environment is similar in that the client comes in with complex issues / problems that are not easily resolved. The counselee like the product owner in Agile knows their story best. And these conversational sessions are critical as we explore and uncovered the deepest layer possible, talking these things out with the client taking full ownership. The entire process of open conversation without critique and stepping carefully in teachable opportunities will build trust. This continued cycle of listening and reflecting with deep connection creates the healing environment that extends further than the office visits. The client keeps exploring and using resources, examining thoughts, and zeroing in on healthy responds. Comforting and healthy emotions will come over time and it will mean so much more because the person knows all the hard work has great value in their life going forward. It is very important to let the counselee know that it is an honor to serve them, and the time spent has great value for both parties. I’m reminded, that from the beginning before the conversation begins, the counselor most truly believe that they are worth meeting with. I must believe I have much to offer and realize it takes time to develop solid counseling skills and it’s important to have experienced fellow counselors, to advise on cases, learning from them as we go along on the counseling journey together. The healing of the Soul can never be understated! This is for all of us!