News

Secular - A pastor and a deacon were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn Around Before It’s Too Late!" A driver sped by, leaned out the window, and yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious fanatics!" A moment later, the pastor and deacon heard a loud splash.…

Secular - A man was walking down the street when he saw a sign in a window: "Psychic Fair: Find Out Your Future – Cancelled Due to Unforeseen Circumstances." He thought to himself, "Well, if they didn't see that coming, I’m probably better off just sticking to Matthew 24 !" Historical/Cultural Context…

Secular - A man was walking through a cemetery and saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies a politician and an honest man." He scratched his head, looked at the grave, and said to his friend, "I didn't know they were allowed to bury two people in the same grave!" Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel…

Secular - There was a man who wanted to buy a parrot, so he went to a local pet store. The owner showed him a beautiful parrot but warned him, "This bird used to belong to a very legalistic, grumpy old Pharisee. He has a bit of an attitude and a mean streak." The man thought he could change the bird,…

Secular - There was a man who was a bit of a skeptic, much like the Sadducees. He lived his life convinced that if he just followed the right "rules" and used enough "logic," he could avoid any unpleasant surprises—including the ones at the end of life. One day, he met a man who claimed to be 150 years…

Secular - A Sunday School teacher was teaching her class about the "Fruit of the Spirit." She wanted to see if the kids really understood the concept. She asked, "If I’m always mean to my neighbors, if I don't share my toys, and if I’m constantly grumpy, what kind of person am I?" A little boy in the…

Secular - A young, energetic pastor was appointed to a very old, traditional church. On his first Sunday, he noticed that during the singing of the Invitation, the entire left side of the congregation stood up, while the entire right side stayed sitting down. The two sides started glaring at each other,…

Secular - A young man was walking through town and saw a sign in a pet store window: "Religious Parrot for Sale – $500." Intrigued, he went inside. The owner pointed to a beautiful green parrot. "This bird is amazing," the owner said. "If you pull the string on his right leg, he recites the Lord's Prayer.…

Secular - A mother was pushing her double stroller through the park when an elderly woman stopped her. "Oh, what beautiful children!" the woman exclaimed. "How old are they?" The mother straightened up and said, "The Doctor is three, and the Lawyer is only six months." Historical/Cultural Context - This…

Secular - A man dies and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. Peter meets him and says, "Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to get into Heaven. You tell me what you’ve done, and I’ll tell you how many points it’s worth." The man feels pretty confident. "Well," he says, "I was married to the same…