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Secular - A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what the Prophet Elijah’s last words were?" A little boy in the back stood up and said, "Go, get ‘em, Tiger!" The teacher was confused. "Where on earth did you hear that?" The boy replied, "In the Bible! It says right there: 'Elijah…

Secular - A pastor was walking down the street when he saw a group of neighborhood boys surrounding a stray dog. "What are you boys doing?" the pastor asked. One of the boys looked up and said, "We found this dog, and we all want him. So we decided that whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep him."…

Secular - A young boy was asked by his Sunday School teacher to say the grace before the annual church potluck. The boy was nervous, looking at the massive crowd and the piles of food. He closed his eyes tight and prayed: "Lord, thank you for this food. And please, if there isn't enough to go around,…

Secular - A visiting preacher was invited to speak at a small country church. At the entrance, he noticed a small offering box with a sign that read, "For the Poor." Feeling a bit generous and wanting to set a good example, the preacher reached into his wallet and dropped a five-dollar bill into the…

Secular - A young man was training to be a preacher and was practicing his delivery in front of his mentor. The young preacher paused dramatically and declared, "And the Lord said... and the Lord said... and the Lord said..." He repeated the phrase five times, trying to build suspense. The mentor whispered,…

Secular - Notice on a church sign: " 'What is Hell?' Come here and find out! Actual typo found in a bulletin: "Don't forget the bring your coats to the potluck. Also, the annual picnic will feature a new dessert: Jell-O and Satan." (They meant gelatin.) Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written…

Secular - A $50 bill and a $1 bill met on the conveyor belt at the Federal Reserve, both about to be retired and shredded. As they moved down the line, they started chatting about their lives in circulation. The $50 bill puffed out his chest and bragged, "I have had the most amazing life! I’ve been to…

Secular - A pastor was finishing up his sermon on Sunday morning and said, "Next week, I'm going to preach on the sin of lying. To help you prepare, I want everyone to read chapter 17 of the Gospel of Mark." The following Sunday, the pastor asked the congregation, "How many of you read chapter 17 of…

Secular - A woman was worried about her husband who had recently joined the church. She told the pastor, "He's becoming too religious. He wants me to give away my jewelry, sell my expensive car, and donate all our savings to the church!" The pastor paused and asked, "Are you sure he's praying, or is…

Secular - Pastor David loved two things almost as much as his congregation: catchy church signs and golf. One Saturday, he was out on the local course enjoying a beautiful day when he realized he was going to be slightly late getting back to church to change the weekly sign. He rushed over to the church…