For nearly half my natural life I was completely lost on what love was. In the church, I heard all the wonderful things love was supposed to be, but I never experienced anything but the opposite of what I heard. Away from church, “Love” was heartache and pain. “I love you” meant, “It’s time to duck”. “Love”, as I understood it, left behind embarrassing, life-long scars, mental and physical. Each scar, a memory of the gaping wounds of embarrassment, guilt, and shame. The men in my family suppressed positive affection because it isn’t manly to express one’s affections. The women in my family that did had an ulterior motive, which was usually followed by furious wrath. I concluded that the “love” I heard so much about in church, was something mythological. Therefore, in my experience, “love” was a four-letter word that should never be uttered.
My conflict over “love” sent me on a downward spiral into self-loathing, anger, and hatred, which bred suicidal tendencies. “Love”, as I understood it, was violent and relentless. I even ended my relationship when my girlfriends said they loved me. All the pain I caused others was to protect myself from more pain. I didn’t want to suffer from the “love” of my youth, and I believed that the “love” I heard about in church was made up because it was just too good to be true. So, I settled for what I thought ideal love should be; what it should look like. I tried to make everyone around me conform to what I thought.
I convinced myself that I knew what love was. After all, I love building racing engines, I love racing, I love writing, recording, and performing music, and I love that I was able to serve my country. But, when I separated from the Navy at twenty-nine, everything I loved was lost, gone forever. I decided that the love I desperately needed was a hoax. I was tired of looking for what was not anywhere to be found. So, I bought a first-class ticket on the Hell Express and was going to eject the engineer for not getting there fast enough.
But something happened that changed me forever. Love stepped in and rescued me from plunging into the abyss. It was the Love of whom I had heard so much about in church. It was all true! All these years, I had been totally lost on love, even believing that love was nothing more than a myth. May 29, 1999, was the day that Love captured me. Wait! That was the day that Love raptured me. I am no longer lost on Love or confused about Love. I am lost in Love; I am consumed by Love.
Are you struggling over, or just lost on Love? Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Do you wanna go where Love is?
8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
1 John 4:8 (NASB95)
16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him 1 John 4:16 (NASB95)
Lost on Love
For nearly half my natural life I was completely lost on what love was. In the church, I heard all the wonderful things love was supposed to be, but I never experienced anything but the opposite of what I heard. Away from church, “Love” was heartache and pain. “I love you” meant, “It’s time to duck”. “Love”, as I understood it, left behind embarrassing, life-long scars, mental and physical. Each scar, a memory of the gaping wounds of embarrassment, guilt, and shame. The men in my family suppressed positive affection because it isn’t manly to express one’s affections. The women in my family that did had an ulterior motive, which was usually followed by furious wrath. I concluded that the “love” I heard so much about in church, was something mythological. Therefore, in my experience, “love” was a four-letter word that should never be uttered.
My conflict over “love” sent me on a downward spiral into self-loathing, anger, and hatred, which bred suicidal tendencies. “Love”, as I understood it, was violent and relentless. I even ended my relationship when my girlfriends said they loved me. All the pain I caused others was to protect myself from more pain. I didn’t want to suffer from the “love” of my youth, and I believed that the “love” I heard about in church was made up because it was just too good to be true. So, I settled for what I thought ideal love should be; what it should look like. I tried to make everyone around me conform to what I thought.
I convinced myself that I knew what love was. After all, I love building racing engines, I love racing, I love writing, recording, and performing music, and I love that I was able to serve my country. But, when I separated from the Navy at twenty-nine, everything I loved was lost, gone forever. I decided that the love I desperately needed was a hoax. I was tired of looking for what was not anywhere to be found. So, I bought a first-class ticket on the Hell Express and was going to eject the engineer for not getting there fast enough.
But something happened that changed me forever. Love stepped in and rescued me from plunging into the abyss. It was the Love of whom I had heard so much about in church. It was all true! All these years, I had been totally lost on love, even believing that love was nothing more than a myth. May 29, 1999, was the day that Love captured me. Wait! That was the day that Love raptured me. I am no longer lost on Love or confused about Love. I am lost in Love; I am consumed by Love.
Are you struggling over, or just lost on Love? Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Do you wanna go where Love is?
8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
1 John 4:8 (NASB95)
16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him 1 John 4:16 (NASB95)