In Peter 3, God speaks to husbands and wives. But He doesn’t start hereHe’s told us we are holy to Him. Belonging to Him. God gave us a new identity in Christ and a new heart. And he calls for holy behavior to match,
1Pet. 1:15 like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in ALL your behavior; 16 because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
1Pet. 2:12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
Then he explains “excellent behavior” with a single word—submission.
To submit is to voluntarily place oneself under another’s authority. Submission is an act of trust which recognizes the authority God’s given another. But our submission is given to God, though expressed to the other person.
1Pet. 2:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution [that’s the main point, submit for the Lord’s sake to every human authority! Then he applies this to different authorities in our life—submit yourselves to the govt.], whether to a king as the one in authority, [governors, police…]
Regardless of how much you despise the individual or his policies. Then he applies this principle of voluntary submission to our boss at work,
1Pet. 2:18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.19 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.
Jesus doesn’t want you to submit out of compliance to a horrible boss. That’s not Christian submission; submit out of trust, by serving to Jesus.
Eph. 6:7 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men,
So again submission fully relies on Christ, and demonstrates godly grace.
1Pet. 2:21 For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22 [Jesus] committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; 23 while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but [instead, Jesus] kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24 and [trusting Abba to do right, He could do right, even suffer—thus] He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
Here is the God and Savior whom we serve. X is our example. He changed our lives. Our destiny. And now Peter applies this to marriage: here is the excellent behavior that follows Jesus extends grace between a godly husband and wife, and this is what God is calling us and maturing into us,
1Pet. 3:1 In the same way [in the same way that Jesus submitted for our sake], you wives, be submissive to your own husbandsso that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but letbe the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, [Sarah, one of the greatest women in history] and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. [Remember who Sarah was and what she faced. Sarah expressed a strength and courage that surpassed her husband’s. Speaking of husbands:] 7 You husbands in the same way [as Jesus], live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
First, what does our culture have to say to a wife submitting?
Hell no! For good reason, there is a lot of mistrust. Not all men, but some have mistreated women forever. The loudest voices are adamant, a wife must never submit. It is degrading. It’s men’s way to control women…
Meanwhile, society assures women, YOU are the leader. You are smarter than your husband, stronger. Besides, you are your own person. You don’t need him. But this way of thinking creates self-centered women, unloving women with no vulnerabilities, therefore no needs, and no way to be loved. But that’s okay, you don’t need a man’s love. Terrible marriage advice!
I imagine our reactions to this are mixed. Some husbands might think, “How do I live in an understanding way with a wife I literally do not understand?” Some women might be thinking—“This is sexist and wrong. Why are there six verses for wives and just one for the men? I’m not doing this.“
So before we go on, a reminder that this is the Word of our Lord who loves you and gave Himself for you. He formed you and knew you even in the womb. He knew some of your childhood dreams of being a wife and a mother. This is His counsel to bless wives, husbands, marriages, families.
This is not written to offend but to liberate you unto godliness. Verses 1-2 empower women. Verses 3-4 highlight your beauty, and free you from impossible standards. Verses 5-6 assure that you can be among history’s greatest and godliest women who courageously serve God without fear.
Rather than take offense, I wonder if it’s more of an honor that he spends 6 verses on wives. Maybe this passage reveals how much culture corrupts us.
So what if we accept the premise that everything God tells us about marriage is good, and anything the world says which is contrary to God is bad! For we know the one who runs it is a liar who came to steal, kill, and destroy.
What if we look around and admit that the world’s ways do not lead to contentment, personal fulfillment, better marriages, or Christlike love? Women aren’t happier. Marriages aren’t healthier. Families aren’t stronger.
What if we admit that the problem isn’t with what God says, and the solution isn’t what the world says. And we confront our own flesh and fears and we embrace God’s counsel, and by His Spirit we let Him form us to be the wives and husbands He is working in us to be, and we help each other and give grace one to another as we seek to follow Jesus in our marriages?
Let’s look again at what this passage says,
1Pet. 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, [not to men in general. Not to your friend’s husband. But to the husband you married; even ungodly husbands] so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chasteand respectful behavior.
In these verses, God tells Christian wives to submit to your husbands regardless of merit or fault. He also says this is powerful, this is what reaches your husband’s heart; not your many words but your respectful behavior.
If the Lord was a marriage counselor, and you asked what one thing can I do in my marriage to reach my husband, this is the first thing He’d say. That’s the first thing he says to wives in 1 Peter, Ephesians, Colossians, and Titus.
God understands how hard marriage is. How much hurt we can cause each other over the years. How trust can be harmed.
So what does God want you to know in these verses?
The main thing God wants wives to know is what He is calling you to do can truly bless your marriage.
As you voluntarily submit to your husband, this grace shown to him can have a powerful effect. For this is grace. Grace is the environment for growth, repentance, maturing. Grace through love can overcome shame. This is what can change his course. “Without a word by the behavior of his wife, as he observes your innocent and respectful behavior.”
Don’t underestimate the power of this. It seems some wives trust in the power of their words, arguing, telling him all the things he’s doing wrong.
Peter says, you have this subtle power available when you demonstrate grace in your behavior, submissive love, respect, and honor; for these can even reach into the hardest heart of a sinful or unbelieving husband.
This is not only powerful, it is beautiful.
1Pet. 3:3 Your adornment [your beauty] must not be merely external — braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses [don’t spend all your time on that, this is short-lived, and not an eternally significant beauty]; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
What do these verses say?
A wife’s gentle and quiet spirit is precious, incredibly valuable to God. It doesn’t say don’t make yourselves physically attractive, but there is a beauty in a wife that exceeds and outlasts outward beauty. What is that?
It is the inner beauty of a gentle heart and a quiet, “peaceful spirit,” which is so precious to God. God. Notice, your husband isn’t mentioned here; this speaks to your heart about what God values, builds in you as a wife.
What does our culture say about this?
Regarding beauty, commercials, magazine covers, and pop stars convey that beauty is everything. Beauty is desirable. Powerful. Some voices say don’t make yourself so beautiful. It’s not fair to others. Others say everyone is beautiful, whatever you are is beautiful, like there is no objective beauty.
But regarding women nurturing a gentle and quiet spirit—Hell no! That’s sexist. It’s man’s way to keep us down. Don’t make yourselves pretty, make yourselves strong. Don’t be quiet, be loud. Don’t submit to him, lead him.
Whereas the God who is love, who formed you female and wants you to experience the fullness of who you are, says God values your heart. A gentle and quiet heart is precious, of exceeding value in the sight of God.
He’s not picking personality types. God likes the shy girl who never says a word. No, quiet and gentle contrast to disrespectful and rebellious (Prov. 7:11).
It’s not against a loud voice, but a heart that doesn’t respect her husband, or won’t honor his requests; that argues with him and does her own thing.
1Pet. 3:4 Let your beauty be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s eyes.
You are free. You don’t have to do any of this. But God values this for you.
Anticipating the argument, “Well behaved women seldom make history,” Peter makes a different case. Who’s history counts?
1Pet. 3:5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
While our culture says, “Well behaved women seldom make history.” I just googled this and a list of the ten influential women in history included Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Kamala Harris, yet totally ignored Sarah.
Why did Sarah top God’s list of influential women in history? Because of her devotion to God, Sarah was able to submit to her husband.
Abraham was not trusting God. He was frightened, self-centered, and not protective of his wife. He came up with a cockamamie plan. I doubt Sarah agreed with his logic, but she agreed in her heart. Sarah had such a relationship with God that she submitted to her husband even when his knuckle-headed actions put her at risk. Rather than argue with her husband, she trusted God, and she did as he requested without fear. Sarah demonstrated incredible grace and a greater faith in God courage than her husband.
You have become her children if you hope in God and do what is right without being afraid.
And we see the powerful effect of this in Abraham's life. Peter implies that behind (or coming under) this great man of God was a godly, supportive woman whose submission, rather than her arguing, or perpetually hurt wife, helped win Abraham to grow as a man of God, and a godly husband.
Just knowing what God wants doesn’t solve anything. Perhaps the main thing is to understand who we are listening to. God or our culture or flesh.
We can ignore this and keep doing what we’ve done, blame our spouse, justify our acts, but if I don’t have love I am no more than a clanging cymbal.
Yet the narrow path with Jesus is where we want to be. When we’re on it we can be sure He is with us to comfort and empower and reward us.
God, Marriage, and Wives
In Peter 3, God speaks to husbands and wives. But He doesn’t start hereHe’s told us we are holy to Him. Belonging to Him. God gave us a new identity in Christ and a new heart. And he calls for holy behavior to match,
1Pet. 1:15 like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in ALL your behavior; 16 because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
1Pet. 2:12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
Then he explains “excellent behavior” with a single word—submission.
To submit is to voluntarily place oneself under another’s authority. Submission is an act of trust which recognizes the authority God’s given another. But our submission is given to God, though expressed to the other person.
1Pet. 2:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution [that’s the main point, submit for the Lord’s sake to every human authority! Then he applies this to different authorities in our life—submit yourselves to the govt.], whether to a king as the one in authority, [governors, police…]
Regardless of how much you despise the individual or his policies. Then he applies this principle of voluntary submission to our boss at work,
1Pet. 2:18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. 19 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.
Jesus doesn’t want you to submit out of compliance to a horrible boss. That’s not Christian submission; submit out of trust, by serving to Jesus.
Eph. 6:7 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men,
So again submission fully relies on Christ, and demonstrates godly grace.
1Pet. 2:21 For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22 [Jesus] committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; 23 while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but [instead, Jesus] kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24 and [trusting Abba to do right, He could do right, even suffer—thus] He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
Here is the God and Savior whom we serve. X is our example. He changed our lives. Our destiny. And now Peter applies this to marriage: here is the excellent behavior that follows Jesus extends grace between a godly husband and wife, and this is what God is calling us and maturing into us,
1Pet. 3:1 In the same way [in the same way that Jesus submitted for our sake], you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, [Sarah, one of the greatest women in history] and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. [Remember who Sarah was and what she faced. Sarah expressed a strength and courage that surpassed her husband’s. Speaking of husbands:] 7 You husbands in the same way [as Jesus], live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
First, what does our culture have to say to a wife submitting?
Hell no! For good reason, there is a lot of mistrust. Not all men, but some have mistreated women forever. The loudest voices are adamant, a wife must never submit. It is degrading. It’s men’s way to control women…
Meanwhile, society assures women, YOU are the leader. You are smarter than your husband, stronger. Besides, you are your own person. You don’t need him. But this way of thinking creates self-centered women, unloving women with no vulnerabilities, therefore no needs, and no way to be loved. But that’s okay, you don’t need a man’s love. Terrible marriage advice!
I imagine our reactions to this are mixed. Some husbands might think, “How do I live in an understanding way with a wife I literally do not understand?” Some women might be thinking—“This is sexist and wrong. Why are there six verses for wives and just one for the men? I’m not doing this.“
So before we go on, a reminder that this is the Word of our Lord who loves you and gave Himself for you. He formed you and knew you even in the womb. He knew some of your childhood dreams of being a wife and a mother. This is His counsel to bless wives, husbands, marriages, families.
This is not written to offend but to liberate you unto godliness. Verses 1-2 empower women. Verses 3-4 highlight your beauty, and free you from impossible standards. Verses 5-6 assure that you can be among history’s greatest and godliest women who courageously serve God without fear.
Rather than take offense, I wonder if it’s more of an honor that he spends 6 verses on wives. Maybe this passage reveals how much culture corrupts us.
So what if we accept the premise that everything God tells us about marriage is good, and anything the world says which is contrary to God is bad! For we know the one who runs it is a liar who came to steal, kill, and destroy.
What if we look around and admit that the world’s ways do not lead to contentment, personal fulfillment, better marriages, or Christlike love? Women aren’t happier. Marriages aren’t healthier. Families aren’t stronger.
What if we admit that the problem isn’t with what God says, and the solution isn’t what the world says. And we confront our own flesh and fears and we embrace God’s counsel, and by His Spirit we let Him form us to be the wives and husbands He is working in us to be, and we help each other and give grace one to another as we seek to follow Jesus in our marriages?
Let’s look again at what this passage says,
1Pet. 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, [not to men in general. Not to your friend’s husband. But to the husband you married; even ungodly husbands] so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
In these verses, God tells Christian wives to submit to your husbands regardless of merit or fault. He also says this is powerful, this is what reaches your husband’s heart; not your many words but your respectful behavior.
If the Lord was a marriage counselor, and you asked what one thing can I do in my marriage to reach my husband, this is the first thing He’d say. That’s the first thing he says to wives in 1 Peter, Ephesians, Colossians, and Titus.
God understands how hard marriage is. How much hurt we can cause each other over the years. How trust can be harmed.
So what does God want you to know in these verses?
The main thing God wants wives to know is what He is calling you to do can truly bless your marriage.
As you voluntarily submit to your husband, this grace shown to him can have a powerful effect. For this is grace. Grace is the environment for growth, repentance, maturing. Grace through love can overcome shame. This is what can change his course. “Without a word by the behavior of his wife, as he observes your innocent and respectful behavior.”
Don’t underestimate the power of this. It seems some wives trust in the power of their words, arguing, telling him all the things he’s doing wrong.
Peter says, you have this subtle power available when you demonstrate grace in your behavior, submissive love, respect, and honor; for these can even reach into the hardest heart of a sinful or unbelieving husband.
This is not only powerful, it is beautiful.
1Pet. 3:3 Your adornment [your beauty] must not be merely external — braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses [don’t spend all your time on that, this is short-lived, and not an eternally significant beauty]; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
What do these verses say?
A wife’s gentle and quiet spirit is precious, incredibly valuable to God. It doesn’t say don’t make yourselves physically attractive, but there is a beauty in a wife that exceeds and outlasts outward beauty. What is that?
It is the inner beauty of a gentle heart and a quiet, “peaceful spirit,” which is so precious to God. God. Notice, your husband isn’t mentioned here; this speaks to your heart about what God values, builds in you as a wife.
What does our culture say about this?
Regarding beauty, commercials, magazine covers, and pop stars convey that beauty is everything. Beauty is desirable. Powerful. Some voices say don’t make yourself so beautiful. It’s not fair to others. Others say everyone is beautiful, whatever you are is beautiful, like there is no objective beauty.
But regarding women nurturing a gentle and quiet spirit—Hell no! That’s sexist. It’s man’s way to keep us down. Don’t make yourselves pretty, make yourselves strong. Don’t be quiet, be loud. Don’t submit to him, lead him.
Whereas the God who is love, who formed you female and wants you to experience the fullness of who you are, says God values your heart. A gentle and quiet heart is precious, of exceeding value in the sight of God.
He’s not picking personality types. God likes the shy girl who never says a word. No, quiet and gentle contrast to disrespectful and rebellious (Prov. 7:11).
It’s not against a loud voice, but a heart that doesn’t respect her husband, or won’t honor his requests; that argues with him and does her own thing.
1Pet. 3:4 Let your beauty be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s eyes.
You are free. You don’t have to do any of this. But God values this for you.
Anticipating the argument, “Well behaved women seldom make history,” Peter makes a different case. Who’s history counts?
1Pet. 3:5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
While our culture says, “Well behaved women seldom make history.” I just googled this and a list of the ten influential women in history included Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Kamala Harris, yet totally ignored Sarah.
Why did Sarah top God’s list of influential women in history? Because of her devotion to God, Sarah was able to submit to her husband.
Abraham was not trusting God. He was frightened, self-centered, and not protective of his wife. He came up with a cockamamie plan. I doubt Sarah agreed with his logic, but she agreed in her heart. Sarah had such a relationship with God that she submitted to her husband even when his knuckle-headed actions put her at risk. Rather than argue with her husband, she trusted God, and she did as he requested without fear. Sarah demonstrated incredible grace and a greater faith in God courage than her husband.
You have become her children if you hope in God and do what is right without being afraid.
And we see the powerful effect of this in Abraham's life. Peter implies that behind (or coming under) this great man of God was a godly, supportive woman whose submission, rather than her arguing, or perpetually hurt wife, helped win Abraham to grow as a man of God, and a godly husband.
Just knowing what God wants doesn’t solve anything. Perhaps the main thing is to understand who we are listening to. God or our culture or flesh.
We can ignore this and keep doing what we’ve done, blame our spouse, justify our acts, but if I don’t have love I am no more than a clanging cymbal.
Yet the narrow path with Jesus is where we want to be. When we’re on it we can be sure He is with us to comfort and empower and reward us.