I suffer from depression and find this coarse difficult at times because of the deep dive into moments from my past. I use my experiences to help others but don't enjoy digging around and stirring up emotions. Anyone else have this experience?

  1. Yes, although my struggle is not so much depression. I struggle with the belief that I am so damaged that God cannot effectively work through me. The irony of that statement is that I have had exceptional success in the business world. But as a Pastor, I am constantly allowing myself to be measured by the number of noses and nickles in my congregation. I measure my success as a husband and father, and the record (in my mind) is failure. And no word of a loved one will free my mind from that thought. I constantly measure my work effort based on what I did not get done. I used to stuff those emotions and feelings away. I used to believe that God wanted me to be an emotionless robot because I believed that emotions lie to me and I cannot trust them. At least that is what I was taught by Christian theology. Then, I met Fern and Audrey through Dr. Mike Heiser’s NakedBible podcast. After spending time with them and getting to know them, I learned the real purpose of emotions. They are indicators, data points, signs on the road, a gift God gave us so we would stop for a moment and learn something. I learned to ask: “What do I believe about myself right now?” Today, I understand that emotions are just information. It is the memory of my past that is betraying my present. Once I have processed through a past trauma, I can experience the memory, but my emotions are not triggered to think it is happening right now. Emotions are information. They are not sinful. Otherwise, God stores sin in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). Emotions are just information that our mind uses to help us navigate life. This is interesting given that the word in that verse is not tossing but wandering, which is how my wife describes her depression. Her mind is constantly wandering through her failures and past experiences. This is a long response, and I apologize. But you showed exceptional courage when you posted your note, and I think you deserve a response for being brave. Going through our past is not fun. However, it is necessary to understand the event and its emotions. When you dig through the past, I suggest you be Jesus's hands and feet to your old self. If you were young when things happened, don’t beat yourself up for not acting like an adult. Don’t believe the lie that just because you are a wise, informed, educated, and responsible adult today means you were supposed to be exactly that yesterday. Walk with your past self as Jesus would walk with that young man. Walk in love. Love is a powerful act that sets enslaved minds free. When you walk in Love, you walk with Yahweh because God is Love. Lastly, find someone to talk to about these things. Preferably, someone who is trauma-informed, so they can help you do the work and not make it worse. You have my prayers, David. Blessings on your journey. I am happy to help however I can!