Eph. 5: 22 KJV Session 18 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Verse 21 closes with the phrase, "in the fear of God." Someone once said, "To fear God is to never need to fear anyone else." Proverbs declares, "The fear of man bringeth a snare..." (29:25) What does submission and the fear of God have to do with the Holy institution of marriage? Before we enter into our thoughts on the marriage relationship; let's briefly review a couple of truths which will help us get the right mindset about what God designed marriage to do for us. God is sovereign over everyone, and everything, everywhere, all the time. Only God is self existent: therefore, every one of us is existentially dependent upon him. It boggles the human mind to contemplate the infinity of God. Though we have the wonderful, inspired, inerrant Scriptures to reveal God to us; the Bible only reveals what humanity needs to know about him. This means, we actually only know a microscopic fraction of all God actually is. The fact of his infinite attributes ought to provoke deep, profound fear of God within us. We know only what the Bible reveals about God. We understand even less than we know. We each have experienced God working in ways unknown and incomprehensible to us. Only the very naive would claim to really know much about God or his ways. It is wise, to trust his person rather than be very dogmatic and idealistic about what we think we know about God. The Bible commands us to fear the Lord God. I'm convinced the intent is far more than mere reverence and awe. God's ways are not our ways. His ways are infinitely superior and beyond human ways. Redemption alone demonstrates the severity of God's ways. It is wise indeed to fear him. "The fear of the Lord, is the beginning of knowledge." Godly fear, unlike fear of people, things, powers, or experiences is liberating rather than paralyzing or confining. When we fear things and people other than God we feel trapped, besieged, and endangered. Fearing God liberates us to live above and beyond other kinds of fear. It empowers us to leave ourselves under God's watch care and protection. Fearing God allows us to trust God will take care of us when we obey his word. Even when obeying God places us under the authority of others: we can rest in the knowledge God controls those who have power over us. Paul commands the Ephesian believers to submit themselves to one another. In Romans 13, he commands submission to Rome and human government. Here in verse 22, Paul tells Christian wives to submit to their own husbands. Historically, women have lived in subjugation since the fall into sin in the Garden of Eden. Every culture, even until our present time, have considered women to be weak, inferior, and at the mercy of men. In the west, woman seem to have arrived at basic equality with men. Statistically though, women remain in jeopardy of violence, discrimination and face challenges men do not. This sweeping historical mistreatment and devaluation of womanhood has prompted some to believe and even teach, womanhood's place in history is punishment for her sin in the Garden. God's word to Eve was "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow, thou shalt bring forth children. Thy desire shall be to thy husband. And he shall rule over thee." This view probably is stretched beyond God's original intent. Yet its hard to argue with the historical record of sorrow, suffering, subjugation, and servitude women have endured since the garden. Naturally, a woman is, and rightly should be concerned for her own safety and wellbeing. Yet, if history has taught her anything; she alone is not capable of insuring her own safety. In her case especially, God is an able protector. Trusting him is wise. Obeying him bestows his blessings upon her.  Obeying Ephesians 5:22 and similar passages requires faith in God. Without faith, it is unreasonable for a woman to unconditionally submit to any man. Everything God expects of us is based upon the issue of faith. Faith, the kind of faith God honors, is bestowed. It is not humanly manufactured. Biblical faith is not blind trust. Nor, is this faith unrealistic hope or expectation. Biblical faith operates solely upon the fact of the impeccably of the very person of almighty God. His own word is all the evidence necessary for us to throw ourselves upon his promises. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Any woman who knows the Lord at all, ought not have the slightest reservations about obeying this command. The God who commands it; stands behind it. God did not command woman to unilaterally submit to every male she encounters. No man has the right to subjugate a woman regardless of either her station in life or his own. Notice, it is not the right of husbands to demand her submission. He ought, as a servant of Christ himself to live in submission to the authority of the Holy Spirit living within him. This command is between God and the wife. Since this is a covenant between God and wives, wives can rest in God's providential care of them; even if the husband is an unbeliever. This is why I brought up divine sovereignty to begin with. God rules over everyone, everywhere, perpetually. Wives can rest in this reality with confidence. But exactly what is, marital submission by the wife? Well, here is what it is not: It is not inferiority  It is not slavery  It is not oppression When we observe God's work in our world; we are immediately struck by the reality of order, design, purpose in what is. God chose to create us incomplete, and requiring interdependence. Essentially, God made us to need one another. Every person brings to the world abilities no one else has. This is because God has intended and designed a specific purpose and role for every one alive today. While humans can and do live alone, and do so without apparent self endangerment, God intends for most people to be joined together in intimate union. Yes, I believe, God does create people with the intent of remaining unmarried and sexually abstinent. However, clearly, the majority of us were created with the need for intimate union. In Genesis, God created life in both male and female genders. This is true of sea life, fowl, and animal life: and of course, human life. The Bible is quite clear and specific. There are only two genders: male, created first in the human species: and female. So universal is this divine gender assignment; DNA is clear and in ambiguous. One is either male, or female. This is true even when there are anatomical abnormalities. No human being is genetically bigender. As best as we can discern from the brief narrative of life prior to the fall into depravity; Adam and Eve were equal without any subordinate role for either of them. Clearly, this is not the case after the fall. God declared the woman's "desire would be unto her husband: and he shall rule over thee." This new reality in their marriage was a part of the "package" of consequences laid upon Eve. But why? Why did God place her under the authority of her husband, when her sin was against God? God created them, brought them together to live as one. Eve's act, violated that        oneness. 2. Eve's sin, while against God, brought adverse consequences upon her husband. 3. With humanity now fallen and depraved, a new provision was required because their       former oneness had been violated. Now oneness must be required rather than        natural and instinctive. 4. In a fallen world, depraved humans needed interdependence to survive. 5. God knew the future of humanity. He knew the future relationship his Son Jesus       would have with humanity. 6. The roles of marriage would serve as a model for God's eternal plan. 7. Marriage would bless humanity with a unique, one of a kind experience and       relationship. Marriage is far more than a license for sexual behavior and procreation. Marriage is unlike all other human relationships. Since God created and established marriage, he alone understands it perfectly. While unsaved people marry, and many of them live a lifetime together in mutual fulfillment and happiness: the unsaved miss the spiritual intimacy God intends in marriage. Unfortunately, being saved, doesn't guarantee couples their marriage will be wonderful, fulfilling or lifelong. I do however believe, when a couple commits themselves to a marriage ordered and operated upon biblical concepts and principles can be guaranteed a lifelong, fulfilling marriage. This kind of marriage takes two, and it takes God being supreme and preeminent in each spouse. It requires full obedience to the word and will of God. The great news is, the perfect marriage doesn't require perfect people. Did I just say perfect marriage? Indeed I did! Wow! That's bold! Is it audacious too? I think not. If we believe in the sovereignty of God, we believe God controls, and actually uses our strengths, weaknesses, and yes our imperfections to bestow good upon us, and glorify him. A perfect marriage isn't one with no pain, no problems and no challenges. Actually, the perfect marriage has all of these and overcomes them together in mutual dependence and trust upon God and one another. Present tears often produce precious memories. Tears shed together become "glue" that cements our love, respect, and dependence upon each other as husband and wife. I cannot recall a single case where a great marriage was problem free. I have never seen a great marriage that didn't encounter setbacks and losses. This brings us back to the subject of submission. In everyday life, structure is required. In business and government there is a chain of command, a leadership structure of some kind. Roles are developed, defined, and responsibilities are designated. Marriage requires this same underpinning. Yes, marriage is quite different from a business or government. But because it is designed to be all inclusive and lifelong; structure is essential. The Leadership or authority chain for marriage: Jesus Christ - The Bridegroom of the New Testament Church and individual Christians Husband - The subordinate to Christ, the accountable head of the wife Wife - The completer of the husband, nurturer, keeper of the home Children - in birth order, each obedient respectful, and honoring of their parents What is marital or domestic submission? 1. It is mutual submission of both husband and wife to the Lord Jesus Christ. 2. It is a wife’s willful, voluntary subordination to her husband in domestic authority. 3. It is children reared in “the fear and admonition of the Lord,” living in willing sub-     mission to the parents. Domestic submission is voluntary subordination. It is not inferiority of either the wife or the children to the husband and father. There is a gross distortion of marital submission propagated by some granting husband's authority and right to discipline their wife. This is a blatant, false teaching. Nowhere in the Bible, either Old or New Testament is there even one passage that grants such a thing. There isn't even a passage where such an action is mentioned. No husband has the right to strike his wife for any reason. No husband has the right to demand submission from his wife. As I stated earlier, this ordinance is between God and the wife. A Christian husband and wife ought to be in complete agreement regarding submission. Though he shouldn't demand it; the husband does have the right to expect it from a Christian wife. What about marriages with an unsaved spouse? The New Testament clearly indicates marriage ought to be between Christian spouses. That is of course, the optimum scenario. However, there are many cases where one spouse is saved, and the other unsaved. Also, there are cases where one spouse is living in obedience to Christ and the other is full of his/her own fleshly desires. Both Paul and Peter address the issue of a mixed, “unequally yoked” marriage where only one spouse is saved. I Cor. 7:3-27 KJV I Pet. 3:1-7 KJV In both passages, the Apostles hold the believing spouse to the biblical mandates. These Apostles go so far as to indicate the unsaved spouse can be converted through the godly, biblically obedient life of the saved spouse. Earlier, I mentioned God designed the marriage relationship.  He brought Adam and Eve together initially. He mandated the relationship after the fall. He provided instruction regarding expectations and accountability. The purpose of marital submission is often overlooked in our discussions and sermons. Considering God's purpose provides clarity and understanding. No husband has full knowledge and understanding of every domestic matter. Males were divinely created with specific strengths and weaknesses; abilities and challenges. Females were likewise created with specific strengths, weaknesses, abilities and challenges. Both sets of abilities and strengths are essential for marriage to work in accordance with God's will and purpose. Children, the divinely ordained offspring of marriage need both male and female nurture and guidance to develop as God intends. Mutual submission as mandated in verse 21 provides the means to accentuate the strengths and abilities of both spouses to their mutual benefit. Most men know next to nothing about home decor, nutrition and the art of home making. God gifted the ladies with these skills. It would be impractical to require a wife to submit to her husband’s mandates in these areas of domestic life. It is both practical and wise, for the husband to defer these matters to his wife. I don't tell my wife how to buy groceries or home decor. Why? I don't know as much as she does about these areas of our home. I trust her desires, decisions, and doings. She loves me, is loyal to me, and I know she won't do anything detrimental. She has proven herself highly capable over nearly 40 years of life together. Generally, husbands have a God given capacity to see beyond the present. We can cast a vision, chart a course and remain committed and focused for the long term. Wives live in the moment. The are fully engaged in the here and now. We could say our wives are, “locked and loaded” on what is going on right now. Wives are natural nurturers.  Someone has said, “Husbands are the head, wives are the heart of a home.” That’s an accurate assessment of the major roles of husbands and wives. We can categorically say mutual submission works well when we men leave heart issues in the wife’s domain. Wives do well to leave head issues to the husband. This in no way assumes men are smarter or wiser than women. Neither does it assume men are heartless, insensitive beasts. A long time ago, I learned my wife is rarely wrong, even when she disagrees with me. Her perspective is different from mine on many matters, which is a very good thing indeed! Often, in the midst of opposite spousal viewpoints neither one is actually wrong. They merely see the issue at hand from different perspectives or with different objectives. Decision time: Husbands and wives ought to discuss everything together. There are rare, very rare situations when a spouse has good reason to make an arbitrary decision without consulting with his/her spouse. Often, yes, often: even after must discussion, investigation and prayer there might remain very real differences of opinion regarding what is best and wise. Here, the wife has entered into a covenant with God, who knows everything, and is full control to submit to the decision her husband believes is pleasing to God. She can do this without anxiety if she trusts the Lord to take care of her. Does the husband always get it right?  That answer would be a resounding No! Men are sometimes wrong. Sometimes we are really wrong! Western culture today often presents men and particularly husbands as being, egotistical, shallow and seriously flawed. If one watches the entertainment industry, one would get the distinct impression husbands are rarely right, and when they are the wife is the real reason he got it right. This mindset is contrary to biblical teaching, and seriously detrimental to the institution of marriage. Whom ever might be wrong on a domestic decision, both are to come together with love, compassion and forgiveness and work towards a solution to the matter. Abuse is a serious matter: No wife is biblically bound to suffer abuse verbally, physically or sexually from her husband. Pastors, counselors and therapists stand ready to help wives who are victims of spousal abuse. No husband living in submission to the Holy Spirit, and who truly loves his wife will abuse her. Tragically, there are numerous situations where both wives and husbands are deeply wounded by their spouse. Some of these spouses suffer wounds that never fully heal. Lies, dishonesty Infidelity Pornography Addiction Neglect Verbal, emotional abuse These are some of the more common ways spouses wound their mates. In these instances, forgiveness and restoration are extremely difficult to achieve. Is the wife duty bound to live in submission to her husband when he is doing these things to hurt her? God's commandments and mandates are not generally considered conditional. There are very few exception “clauses” found in the Scriptures. In I Corinthians 7, Paul does seem to indicate adultery to be an exception allowing the spouse to divorce and remarry. Caution: Not every scholar agrees on this. Though perhaps allowed, divorce is not mandated. As a former pastor, I have watched spouses choose to divorce and I have watched them choose to stay and reconcile. I have been amazed at the courage, faith, and determination of some spouses to work through incredible issues and restore and later thrive in their marriage. I don't believe there is a “one size fits all,” solution on this issue. Some men and women are so enslaved to their sinful life they refuse to repent and get right with God and their spouse. “…as unto the Lord.” This phrase is actually the key that opens the principle before us. God is, as you might imagine, quite aware of husbands’ flaws. He would not command wives to submit to their husbands if doing so was impossible or detrimental to his will and purpose for the wife. Often I have heard a wife say to me, “Pastor, you don't really know my husband. I can't do what you are asking of me.” My response is always in the form of this question: “Do you think you can submit yourself to Jesus Christ?” I don't ever remember a wife saying, she either would not or could not submit to Jesus. A careful look at this verse reveals, that essentially what is being said is this: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as though your husband is Jesus.” What God commands, he enables. Once God commands, God obligates himself to honor his word and his person. In other words: God won't let you down. In reality when a wife submits to her husband, she us submitting to her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. She is submitting to honor Christ first, then her husband. Living in marital submission is an act of service to Christ more than it is an act of service to the spouse. Submission is only one “piece” to the institution of marriage Submission, as taught in the New Testament is vital to a healthy, thriving, mutually fulfilling marriage. But it is only one piece. There are other “pieces” which are also vital to the marriage relationship. Some of those we shall encounter as we move on in our study of the fifth chapter of Ephesians. We will get to those in the next few sessions.