Butch howard in Studies in Ephesians -Butch Howard

9 years ago

Eph. 5:25 KJV Session 20 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Though its a familiar statement, there is more here than we might have considered. First, “husbands…” Inherent in the order of this address is divine intent. The husband, says God is the responsible head of the home. Had the wife been considered the head, she, not the husband would have been mentioned first. Though equal in value to God, the wife is not co-leader of the home. She has her God given domain, and it is rightfully hers. The husband ought not meddle there. It is not wise or beneficial for him to trespass into that which God has given the wife in the marriage relationship and in the home. A husband who is what God has called him to be, will be such that a godly wife will gladly defer to him in the God ordained manner. “Husbands, love your wives…” For many years this command seemed somewhat strange. Of course, a husband will love his wife. But yet again, what the Holy Spirit intends is more, and yes, deeper than it appears at first glance. Particularly in western Europe, the US and a lot of other places west if Asia and the Middle East, love is understood to begin with sexual attraction. We are drawn by physical appearance and what is often referred to as chemistry which is more often than not nothing more than raging hormones. Biblically love is not sexually derived. It is not even a chemical attraction. Love in the biblical sense is a volitional act of one’s will. It is determining to love another person. Love driven by sexual and/or chemical attraction is at its root selfish. We encounter a person we desire. We believe this person can benefit us. This mindset is foreign to authentic love. Christians are motivated to love by two great motivators: God is love. God has commanded us to love. Both of these motivations are driven by something greater than self interest. Every person needs love. We need to experience love. We need to experience being loved by another and others. We need to experience giving love to another, and others. We need to experience God's love for us. We need to experience giving God our love. Marriage is the divine means for humanity to experience love as it was meant to be. The intimacy of the husband wife relationship mirrors Jesus’ love relationship with his church. The home mirrors the love relationship God has with his children. Humanity's need to both receive and give love is provided for within the institution of the family unit, and the local church. Husbands who love their wives biblically take upon themselves a lifestyle of loving their wife. Loving one’s wife is part and parcel of everything else a husband does. He works because he loves his wife. He nurtures her because he loves her. He leads her because he loves her. He protects her because he loves her. Western husbands often have separate checking accounts, and private areas of life not shared with his wife. Sadly, many wives do this as well. This is not how God intends marriage to be at all. Love is mutual togetherness. Intimacy. Oneness. Selflessness. But why is it commanded? It's a fact. Men aren't as good at relationships as women are. We men tend to keep to ourselves, or deliberately stay distant and shallow in the relationships we have. It's self defense. Men dread vulnerability. The divine command provides incentive for men to be more intentional in developing at least one deeply intimate, vulnerable relationship. It's a standard joke. Ask a man how his day went. You get either: “fine. Good. Bad. Terrible.” No commentary. No play by play. One word sentences. Ask a woman about her day: sit down. Focus. You are in for a full disclosure of virtually every conversation, circumstance and experience she had, plus her uniquely personal commentary on why those things happened. But that's not nearly all of it. Also, in addition to all of the above, she is going to tell you how she plans to react to all the above tomorrow and beyond. At this point husbands mistakenly believe the wife wants him to fix it. WRONG! This is her life, her story. She only wants you to listen, then side with her on her dastardly plot to even scores. Some actually believe recording angels in Heaven prefer men to women. Why? Men use only a fraction of the words women use in a single day. Love is listening. But, love is also sharing. A husband who won't let his wife inside his heart and his head wounds his wife in ways he doesn't understand. She desperately wants and needs to know not only what happens to him, but how those things affect him, how he feels about them. This is anything but easy for us men. Hence the command. Without the command, many husbands wouldn't even try to love on this level. Real love is not conditional. The traditional marriage vows, almost extinct now in the early 21st Century, emphasizes the unconditional nature of married love. “For better or for worse: In sickness, and in health: for richer and for poorer: as long as we both shall live. Forsaking all others.” On our wedding day, it is impossible to see the dark days which shall surely come eventually. Yet, we vow to remain committed to our spouse in every eventuality life may present. There will be trials, trouble, yes even temptation. Unconditional love undergirds us sufficiently to endure life's most intense adversaries. Marital love, while finite and imperfect, must strive to reach toward the divine standard. God the Holy Spirit will enable, and empower. He will sustain us throughout the course of our earthly journey together as husband and wife. “…as Christ also loved the Church…” The standard in all things pertaining to life and godliness is Christ. This truth eliminates all attempts at human comparisons. Christ is the perfect Standard. Like the divine law, it is an un attainable standard. Yet, it must be that for which we strive. Any lesser standard will surely see us fail in our marriages. “…loved the Church…” This Greek word, implies contented love, or love that is well pleasing. It’s an interesting perspective Paul sets forth here. Jesus is content, well pleased with his Bride. But how can he be, when there remains so many unresolved issues within the body we call the Church? Again, I remind us of the divine perspective: which is quite different from ours currently. Jesus has known us since before the foundation of this world. Hence, Jesus is in a unique position to know the divine Purpose in creating both humanity, and later the Church. Jesus likewise approves of the divine Process used to call the Church out of the human world. Certainly, our Lord is pleased with the Perfecting work of the Spirit within the Church. Finally, since Jesus is both Alpha and Omega, he has already seen the unblemished Purity the Church will have when we stand in his presence one day. This loved, Paul sees, is unqualified, divine satisfaction with the Church. There is nothing more to refine, renovate, or replace. She is perfect for Him! We often marvel that Jesus was willing to endure the sufferings and the shame of the cross for us. But we can only see ourselves, and the Church as we are now. Long before Jesus was born in Bethlehem, he saw us. He knew us. He beheld the finished product. What Jesus saw, was to Him, the most beautiful being in the universe. This very special being is his eternal bride! “…and gave himself for it.” Death, to Jesus was a worthy price to pay for such a beautiful, perfect being. The Father did not need to persist. The Son readily, eagerly consented to the redemptive plan. Today, we see only our own mess. The mirror of the Scriptures reveals every flaw, every thing out of place. Worse, we often see the image in the mirror from our perspective instead of God’s. Those with self image issues, mental and emotional issues, and physical maladies interpret what they see as insurmountable imperfections. Luke 1:37, reminds us: “With God, nothing shall be impossible.” Someone once said, “If the Bible declares it, that settles it.” What I see in the mirror of the scriptures, indicates where I am today in the journey to Christlikeness. The image in the mirror changes with time, and progress. As certainly as I have already experienced many changes: I can be sure God will continue to “perfect the things concerning me.” One day, I “shall be like him: for I shall see him, as he is.” What joy fills my soul to understand Jesus loves me, and he is pleased and contented in the final product of the man he has created and redeemed me to be.